Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: SOCIAL (04/07/16)
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TITLE: Selfie Life | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gary Ritter
04/11/16 -
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“You rock, man. If you were any crazier they’d arrest you.” Marty gazed in awe at Jason in the photo standing on his head on the table at McDonald’s.
“Yeah, I already posted it just in case the cops come for me.” Jason was already deep in thought. “I wonder what kind of selfie they’d let me take with them if they come for me?”
“The police? You are so sick. Someday those pics of yourself are going to get you in real trouble.”
“Nah. It’s fun to plaster them all over social media. Figure if enough people see them, maybe I’ll be famous.”
Marty shook his head. “More likely infamous.”
“Whatever. I want people to see me, to acknowledge me. Do you know how many friends I have online?”
“Jason, you need to slow down. You’re out of control taking all these snaps of yourself just so people love you. Life isn’t like that.”
“What else is there? If I don’t rock and roll now, I sure won’t be doing it in a grave when I’m old.”
“If you get old. You know what I’ve asked you, Jason. Are you ready if you should die? All this ‘me’ stuff isn’t going to prepare you.”
“That’s so much nonsense, Marty. Life is all about me. And you. Each one of us. If there’s any God, He’s us. We got to make the most of it.”
That night in his room Jason turned away from his computer where he’d been viewing images for the last hour he knew his friend Marty would condemn. The mania of the day had waned as he visualized being with the women he’d been scrutinizing with lust. If he was someone, really someone, they’d fall all over themselves trying to be with him. That would be the life.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He was nobody. Had a couple of friends like Marty who kept wanting him to do things he didn’t want to do – like go to church. He was his own person. He didn’t need religion. What could that do for him anyway? Fame, fortune, women. That was real. This imaginary relationship with Jesus Marty kept preaching: what a waste.
Jason’s eyes wandered to the pillow on his bed. He knew the truth. He’d never have those things. His life was empty. In these moments of honesty with himself he knew the real Jason. The impostor. The piece of worthless scum his stepfather always called him. He hadn’t heard him return from the bar yet. Better to stay hidden here in his room when the man did show up. Even that wouldn’t keep him from a beating if he felt like taking his temper out on his adopted son. Why had his mother bothered marrying somebody like that? He made them both miserable.
He reached under the pillow. The cold metal of the pistol in his hand melded with the coldness in his heart. He shivered in anticipation. How many times had his stepdad waved this around threatening him and his mom? Take that worm and turn it! What would his face look like at the sight of his own weapon in Jason’s hand?
If tonight was the night, which road would he take? Jason had two choices. Both had their allure. How frightened that bully would be with the barrel of his own gun staring him down! The thought of fear in the man’s eyes made Jason’s heart leap.
But there was the other choice. He could put it to his own head. That would solve a lot of problems when he pulled the trigger in that scenario. A lot of problems. He put the gun down and waited.
The ruckus of a drunken fool entering his house brought a smile to Jason’s lips. He slipped into the living room, waiting until his stepfather noticed him. Slurred speech began to accost him. Jason raised the pistol. The man’s hair was disheveled. He reeked of scotch. At the sight of what faced him he halted in midstride. Laughed. “You should put that down, boy. Could hurt somebody.” He lunged.
Jason pulled the trigger.
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You go so quickly from Jason dreaming about being famous and fantasizing about women throwing themselves at him, to the depressed Jason, ready to commit suicide that it made it hard for me to keep up. Likewise he went from wondering if "tonight was the night" to determined to confront his step dad with no transitional narrative to show us this paradigm shift in his thinking.
As someone else pointed out all of this is difficult to do in a short 750 word piece, but it's not impossible with a little editing.
Please don't take any of this as me not liking your story. It's quite the opposite actually. I really love it and think that it is an extremely important story that could be expanded and published more broadly, if that's what you want.
Really good work!
Blessings~