The Official Writing Challenge
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04/14/16
An intense piece. I love your title and the image you paint of today's youth. Such a sobering message. Thanks so much for sharing.
04/15/16
I don't know exactly how we got from point A to B, maybe it got edited, I leave a lot of story behind myself, BUT your writing voice was pretty spot on. Your character in the beginning was very believable and sounded like a genuine person who believed like he did. I just don't think you had enough words to make the transition to the ending to carry me along anyway. Someone else could think different. But I enjoyed your writing and pace of your sentences. You displayed a lot of talent. Very nice. And I hope your story reaches someone who may be like that and can help to change their life.
04/15/16
Your story gripped me from start to finish. It was a confronting and sobering read on many levels. It raised a number of issues - social media, the problem of gun freedoms, etc. Well written!
04/16/16
Suspenseful - believable dialogue - true to life. You did a great job within the word count allowed.
04/16/16
This is a powerful piece. The one thing I would do differently, is I would more clearly differentiate the outer Jason you show us with Marty and the inner Jason we see alone at his computer at night.

You go so quickly from Jason dreaming about being famous and fantasizing about women throwing themselves at him, to the depressed Jason, ready to commit suicide that it made it hard for me to keep up. Likewise he went from wondering if "tonight was the night" to determined to confront his step dad with no transitional narrative to show us this paradigm shift in his thinking.

As someone else pointed out all of this is difficult to do in a short 750 word piece, but it's not impossible with a little editing.

Please don't take any of this as me not liking your story. It's quite the opposite actually. I really love it and think that it is an extremely important story that could be expanded and published more broadly, if that's what you want.

Really good work!
04/17/16
Nicely done!

Blessings~