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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: TOURIST TRAP (08/20/15)

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• TITLE: The Ballad of Holy Grail Land | Previous Challenge Entry
  By
  08/26/15
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‘Many have hunted high and low
For the sacred cup from long ago.
It was finally found, in a cave underground,
On which stands Holy Grail Land.
Our theme park is a holy quest,
To be the bravest and best;
To follow the trail and find the Grail,
Oh come to Holy Grail Land!’

It looks so good, we all say ‘yes’
The map says twenty miles or less.
We leave the hotel, it all looks well,
We’re off to Holy Grail Land!
We’re on the road, the weather’s fine
Excitement grows with ev’ry sign
A glimpse from the drive just brings it alive—,
Oh stunning Holy Grail Land!

Those pearl-white turrets; look how high!
Their fluttering banners kiss the sky.
A splendid sight, all shining bright
Oh glorious Holy Grail Land!
But what the leaflet doesn't say –
To park your car, you have to pay.
We pay the cash, then make a dash
To enter Holy Grail Land.

Another shock they have in store:
The price they charge to cross their door!
The pass I behold, is it made of gold?
Expensive Holy Grail Land!
We scratch our heads, what should we do?
Perhaps the kids would like the zoo?
The answer is no; I yield my dough,
And scowl at Holy Grail Land.

We set foot boldly on the trail
To find the hidden Holy Grail
In knightly garb - for extra charge –
We’ll conquer Holy Grail Land!
From Excalibur’s Stone to Merlin’s cave
We bravely search throughout the place
Through a side-show or three – for additional fee –
That’s cheeky, Holy Grail Land!

It’s noon, and we’re about to drop
The kids are charging to the shop
We’ve bypassed four - how many more
Merchants in Holy Grail Land?
‘Round Table Restaurant’ seems the best
Location here to pause our quest.
Then everyone’s mood might mellow with food
We hope, at Holy Grail Land.

The restaurant, though, is over-packed
And chivalry? That sorely lacks!
The whole world too, with their large retinue
Want lunch at Holy Grail Land!
And worst of all, I was deluded
To think the meals have drinks included!
Tap water and ice at extortionate price?
Sounds right for Holy Grail Land!

Since lunch has left a sour taste,
Our quest resumes with royal haste
To find that Grail, come rain or hail,
And flee from Holy Grail Land.
It isn’t long before we stall
When forced to answer nature’s call
King’s ransom gone – to use the john!
Caught short at Holy Grail Land.

We find the Grail in Avalon
My will to live is close to gone
Like knights of old, so brave and bold,
We cheer in Holy Grail Land.
A closer look reveals the jape
This plastic Grail is clearly fake!
They’ve had us on, it's one big con—
Oh villainous Holy Grail Land!

The hidden costs, a bogus Grail
This whole day is an epic fail!
This place is just sordid: less Arthur, more Mordred!
Enough of Holy Grail Land!
Abandon our quest! Let’s make a new plan:
To get out of here as fast as we can
We give a ‘huzzah!’ as we jump in the car
Goodbye, un-Holy Grail Land!


Author’s note:

The theme park in this story, Holy Grail Land, is fictional.

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