The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/22/14
Great story! Great writing, well done.

God bless~
This is an interesting dilemma. I know my son struggled with having to answer evolution theory questions as facts on his science exams. It bothered him that the teacher refused to even consider discussing anything else.

For me personally, I cringed at two things in this story--the use of the interrabang (?!) and the dream resolution. In my earlier works, I had used ?!too until an editor pointed out that they were frowned upon. Personally, now I prefer to allow my word choice to do my exclaiming. The other thing that made me shudder a tiny bit was when it turned out to be a dream. That device is often overused. Personally, I think it would have been a much stronger story if left open-ended, or either giving in to the demands or losing her job for her belief.

I realize that's a lot to put in only 750 words and it could be just my opinion. You did a wonderful job of developing your MC. I felt like I really could relate to her. I loved her small-town innocence and her courage to tackle older students. You also did a fine job of sprinkling the topic all over the story. You definitely give the reader something to think about. This is a problem that is in every public school across the country. Not only do the students have to wrestle, but as you showed, some teachers struggle with the same thing. You did a fine job showcasing it and I enjoyed the story.