Googlistic | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Googlistic | Previous Challenge Entry
By Allison Egley
04/17/14
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Emily sat across the table from Gary, trying to make small talk on a blind date. Why did no one warn her it would be this awkward? Sure, she expected it to be a little bit awkward, but... well... The best way to describe the evening so far, without hurting feelings, would be "interesting." Yes. Interesting. That described the night perfectly. Emily twirled her hair with her finger, debating whether she should ask the next question. Well, the night was already awkward enough, so why not? "Gary, I'm sorry if this comes across as a bit personal, especially for a blind date, but I don't want to lead you on if this relationship isn't going to work. Are you a Christian?"

Gary held up a finger, as he got out his phone. "Hold on. Let me check."

"Um, you need to check? What do you mean? Don't you know if you're a Christian or not?"

Garry pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Well, you see, there are so many ideas out there about religion and God. I'm never sure who to believe, so I just ask Google."

"You... hold on. You ask Google?"

Gary shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah. I figure so many people use Google, that surely the best answer must the first hit on Google."

"Do you have a name for this... theology of yours?

"I hadn't really thought about that, actually. I guess I could be Googlistic."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Right. So, what does Google say?"

"Well, the first hit, when I put it in quotes, is a book on Amazon. I guess I'd have to read the book and get back to you."

"Do you believe in God?"

"Hold on. I've got to check." Gary muttered as he typed on his phone. "'Is God real?' Well, without quotes, the first link is logical proof that God exists. But the second one is fifty proofs that God is imaginary. I mean, I normally go with the first hit, but wow. Fifty reasons is a lot. I think I'm going to have to go with that one."

"So what if you get contradictory answers in your Googlistic belief?"

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"Do you believe in Creationism?"

"Google says no."

"Do you believe in evolution?"

"Google says no."

Emily put her hand on her forehead and shook her head. "Isn't that a contradiction?"

Gary shrugged. "Don't some people believe that God started the evolutionary process?"

Emily chuckled as she shook her head. "Why don't you Google it?"

"Hey. Stop making fun of my beliefs."

"How can they be your beliefs if the only thing you do is rely on Google? You're hopeless."

Gary put his hands on his hips and pouted. "Google says I'm not."

"You have to ask Google if you're hopeless, and I'm the one making fun of you? I'm pretty sure Google is the one making fun of you now. So what if the answers on Google change?"

"People change their beliefs all the time, right? I mean, doesn’t everyone's beliefs evolve a bit over time? Hey. Evolve. I guess I do believe in evolution."

"Okay. Look, Gary. It's been an uh... interesting night, but I think I'm done. I just don't think this relationship is going to work out; and don't even think about asking Google."

Gary stuttered. "B...b...but... Can we just be friends?"

Emily rubbed her throbbing temples. "Why don't you ask Google that one?"

"Maybe I will. Oh. Wait. Google says 'no.' I guess this really is goodbye."

"That may be the most intelligent thing you've said all night."

Emily walked out of the restaurant, still not quite believing what had just happened. She wondered if anyone else had ever had such a strange blind date. Emily stroked her chin. She just might have to Google that.

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