Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Spam (not the meat) (11/03/11)
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TITLE: Ear Plugs | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tracy Nunes
11/15/11 -
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What a beautiful song, Lord. My heart aches when I hear it. I wish I had always followed You, no matter who went with me... O-k-a-y, so...where next on my To-Do List? The bank, not my favorite place. I hope the lines aren't long. "Hi, Sheila, what can we do for you today?" "I need to deposit this check and pay my water bill." "Sure, thing, just a moment."
Bank Music: ♫Yeah, oh yeah... I don't ke-ah...cause, yeah, oh yeah... I'm gonna play the game my way.♫
"Here's your deposit receipt Sheila. Anything else I can do for you?" "Yeah, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Can you do anything about that?" "Ha! Sure, I'll take care of it. I'll go with you and leave that lousy husband of mine home with the kids." "Oh, don't I wish. Instead, I have to go get some food for mine." Now, to get some grocery shopping done. Oh great, the store's crowded. This is going to take forever. Where's my shopping list? Oh, good! There it is. Thought I forgot it. Let's see...tomatoes, onions, peppers...
Store Music: ♫ Us girls have got to stick together. The boys don't understand, not now.. or ever. We know that we're better. ♫
Bread...Oh, yes, Danny wanted some sour dough. When doesn't he want sour dough? That's the question. Can regular bread ever be enough for him? Let's see...milk, eggs. Oh yeah, Tofu. I forgot to put that one the list. I wonder if he'll ever notice that I've lost some weight? Humph! Who am I kidding? Sandra noticed, but I doubt Danny ever will.
♫ The boys don't understand, not now.. or ever. ♫
"Wow, lots of groceries today, Sheila! Having company?" "No, I just had to get caught up. The pantry was looking bare." "Need help taking your groceries out to the car, Sheila?" "No, Betty, I think I can manage. Thanks anyway." Okay...now to load the car. Why didn't I let them help me and save my back? Next time, I'll take whatever help they offer me. Danny's right, I'm getting old.
Passing Car Radio: ♫ Pretty Baby, you look so sweet Pretty Baby, you make me complete Pretty Baby My, oh my, Pretty Baby...♫
No, not so pretty anymore. Sometimes, I wish I were young again and someone sang that song about me. But, of course, nothing is ever about me. Just once I'd like to be in charge and do things my way. Men can be such imbeciles.
Car Radio: ♫ All to Jesus I surrender; humbly at his feet I bow, worldly pleasures all forsaken; take me, Jesus, take me now. I surrender all, I surrender all... ♫
Jesus, help me surrender all. It's so hard sometimes, but I do want your will. Help me, Lord. There are so many voices. They keep getting through, even though I try to block them out. Help me only hear Your voice. Oh good, Danny's home working on his truck. He can help me with the groceries.
Garage Radio: ♫ Me and the boys are going to race tonight.. We're gonna rock and fight. We're gonna close down the town and stay out till the sun comes back around. ♫
Ear plugs...Maybe I need ear plugs.
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I must admit I did miss the topic in this one, but then I thought Spam was a difficult topic and I'm not sure if I entirely understand it.
I could really relate to the MC. I often have days like that. I liked how the ending was open-ended.
I also liked how you showed that even though she enjoys Christian music and is likely a Christian, her life still has hurdles. Many people think Christians should always have a rosy outlook. But we are still human, and through Christ, we can get through tough times but we still have tough times.
Though this is a well written and powerful piece, the topic "Spam" is inferred but not literal. Your score in this category might be lower because of that. (Clarifications of the topics are posted and discussed here in the message boards each week:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=22&sid=c8a03297950c243e3c0e47a9b5aa5ccf )
This was a well thought-out story with a message that preaches without being "preachy". Nice job!
Cat
I loved the message here as well as the realistic emotions shown by the MC.
Earplugs would be helpful in our daily walk. If only we could buy mind plugs as well.
If any of those songs aren't public domain, however, the judges may dock you for that, particularly in the "How publishable is this entry?" category. Deb pointed that out in a Ratings Feedback Report I got on a story of mine where I quoted a line from a Whitney Houston song.
Anyway, cute idea. I like the last line of the story. :)