The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Gossip/Rumors (either or both) (10/28/10)
[Two men in togas sit at a round table drinking cappuccinos]

Asher: He's gone to Rome then?

Ben: Good riddance I say.

Asher: What's he after, do you know?

Ben: Gonna be made Pope.

Asher: What's one of them?

Ben: Not sure but I think he gets to sit on a fancy chair and wear a mitre.

Asher: A what?

Ben: It's a cross between a hat and an umbrella. Only problem is when he sits down, the guy beside him gets re-baptised.

Asher: That's a bit weird. Still, it's a step up from being a stonemason.

Ben: I'm sorry?

Asher: He carved cornerstones, didn't he?

Ben: Nah, he caught fish for a living. Up north by the Lake.

Asher: Our Rocky?

Ben: The very same. Course he was no good. That's why he packed it in and took up preaching. More money in religion.

Asher: Maybe that's why he changed his name: Rocky Barjona. Got more of a ring to it. Makes him sound like a contender: the Judean Jaguar.

Ben: Too right. After all, who's gonna take you seriously if your name is Simon?

Asher: Yeah, Simon the Snooze.

Ben: How about Soporific Simon the Ponderous Preacher?

Asher: [giving his friend a high five] You're the man!

Ben: (pause) I still think it's odd how he got away with all them lies.

Asher: What do you mean?

Ben: You know, in the courtyard, at the trial. Said he didn't know him, didn't he?

Asher: That's right. Three times, wasn't it?

Ben: I heard four.

Asher: Funny that he wasn't struck off for that. Bit hypocritical if you ask me. Goes and snuffs Ananias for telling porkie pies while excusing his own whoppers.

Ben: I reckon he paid the others off. The way I hear it, once Judas was out of the picture, Rocky took charge of the money bag. And no one ain't seen no certified accounts in a very long time.

Asher: Makes you wonder, dunnit?

Ben: Does.

Asher: Me too.

Ben: (pause) Do you suppose he'll bump into Saul when he gets to Rome?

Asher: Don't you mean Paul?

Ben: That's what I said.

Asher: No, you said Saul.

Ben: Well who are you talking about then?

Asher: Er, old bandy legs.

Ben: Right. I hear him and Rocky had a run-in up in Antioch.

Asher: Hard to imagine Paul jogging with those legs of his.

Ben: No, not a race. A bust-up.

Asher: He wears a bra?

Ben: Don't be facetious. They had a bit of a barney.

Asher: They ate a purple dinosaur? That's hardly kosher.

Ben: Something like that. The way it was told me, Rocky was offered this plate of local Syrian delicacies: eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog. Then when he tried to refuse, Saul called him a sissy. Don't think Rocky's ever forgiven him, especially not after Mr I'm-better-than-any-of-the-apostles-even-though-I'm-not-one-of-the-original-twelve went and told the Galatians all about it in a letter.

Asher: He didn't?

Ben: Did too. I've got a copy of chapters one and two at home.

Asher: What about the rest of the letter?

Ben: Nah, figured I'd read the heavy stuff once they get the book published.

Asher: Do you reckon Paul's also in the running for Pope?

Ben: He's been published more often and that counts for a lot in some circles. But if you ask me they're running neck and neck. I reckon it'll be a sudden death decider.

Asher: That's one good thing about Paul. He's a cool cucumber. Won't go losing his head.

Ben: Maybe so but they'll crucify Rocky if his temper gets the better of him.

Asher: Too true.

Ben: Don't they have to canonise someone before they can become Pope?

Asher: I'm not sure. Could be a bit tricky seeing as how gunpowder hasn't been invented yet.

Ben: What about beatification?

Asher: Not likely. Have you seen Rocky's ugly mug? And his missus is no looker.

Ben: What'll they call her if he becomes Pope?

Asher: I don't know. Maybe the Popette.

Ben: Saint Peter and the Popettes. I reckon Rocky could roll with that.

Asher: [pulling out an egg-timer] Oops, is that the time? Gotta run. [exits]

Ben: Quo vadis?

Asher: [off stage] Couldn't have put it better myself.

[lights dim]



__________________
Cultural Allusions

Quo Vadis is Latin for 'Where are you going?' and the title of a novel by Henryk Sienkiewicz on the life of the apostle Peter.
Rocky Balboa (aka the Italian Stallion) is a boxer played by Sylvester Stallone.
The line "eye of newt" is taken from Shakespeare's Macbeth, Act 4 Scene 1.
If you don't know who Barney is, be thankful for small mercies.
According to tradition Paul was beheaded in Rome while Peter was crucified upside down.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1447 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Robyn Burke
11/04/10
This is priceless!! Very funny, very tongue in cheek and creative. Good job!!
Anita van der Elst
11/04/10
A couple of terms I'm not familiar with (porkie pies & barney) but I think I got the meaning from the context. And the humor. :-) Very fun read.
Author Unknown
11/05/10
I can totally hear the fellas talkin' here. Had to watch my audible chuckling though, I'm in a library.

I liked this-- wouldn't mind a snippet of scenery (maybe before the dialogue-- other than two guys in togas).

also not really sure how the title ties in but it was still pretty good to my ear. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/07/10
This is hysterical. I loved almost every word. I must say though I did take offense at the disparaging remark made upwards Barney! Even though my youngest is 16 I've been known to watch an episode or two ! Seriously though this was excellent!
Noel Mitaxa 
11/08/10
Rollicking good yarn here, old son. The odd pun doesn't go astray either, though is your prophetic mention of gunpowder a device to illustrate the "rifle-ry" among those wanting to be the pope?
Connie Dixon
11/08/10
Would love to see this acted out. Great job!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
11/08/10
As a lover of creativity, including puns, I was charmed. I kept wondering what they'd say next. I think my favorite line was, "I think they said four."
Henry Clemmons
11/08/10
Some real gossiping going on in this piece. Very lively and unique dialogue. A fast, well paced read. No doubt nailed the topic.
Ruth Ann Moore
11/08/10
Very cleverly written!
Cheryl Harrison
11/08/10
Enjoyed it right down to your comment about Barney at the end! Good job!
Jody Day 
11/08/10
This me laughing out loud in a very quiet library this morning:
:()hahahaha. Loved it.
Lillian Rhoades 
11/08/10
A real tickler! Loved the comparison between "pies and whoppers." I wonder what Rocky will say when you guys finally hook up:-)
Caitlyn Meissner
11/08/10
I enjoyed this, especially the references to Shakespeare and Galatians. :) I've always wondered how Peter felt about that little incident.
Patricia Turner 
11/09/10
Saint Peter and the Popettes :) Too, too funny and way creative!
Rachel Phelps
11/10/10
I want to put this on stage. I LOVED all the puns and creativity. Well done!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/11/10
Congratulations on your EC! This is one of my all-time favorites.
Carol Penhorwood 
11/11/10
Truly a delight to read! (Is this why we love "Gossip/Rumors" so much? :)
Henry Clemmons
11/11/10
Congratulations on EC. Great job once again!!!!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
11/11/10
Hey Gregory, I'm glad the judges loved the story, too!
Joan Campbell
11/11/10
Congrats on your EC, Gregory. This is a delightfully different read - so very clever!