The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: The Family Pet (05/15/08)
Dear Ms. Markel,

My husband and I bought a big red parrot. It is young, and we think it’s a male, but we aren’t sure. He is very sweet and lets us pet him.

We don’t know anything about birds. Since you are an avian expert, we need your advice.

Sincerely,

Debbie Poindexter


Dear Debbie,

Congratulations. Your new family member is a highly intelligent creature. The biggest mistake people make is assuming they own their parrot. Your parrot knows better and will prove it. I hope you enjoy sunrises. You’ll be seeing a lot of them. You will no longer have dominion over your own dwelling. Big cages, play stands and toys will take over your home like Kudzu vine in the south.

That sweet young bird that you have will go through the terrible twos, just like a human child. In fact, parrots are perpetual toddlers that live a very long time. If you think you won’t enjoy caring for a toddler well into your golden years, then a parrot isn’t the best pet for you.

If you have a dog, your bird and dog may bond quickly. While your bird is out playing on his cage top, the dog may walk by. Birdie accidentally drops food and your dog is the happy recipient. Your bird will catch on quickly and intentionally begin launching food missiles at the dog. He will sometimes miss, leaving you to discover unidentifiable blobs on the surfaces around his cage. By the time they are found, they will be permanently bonded to the wall. Tell your guests it’s modern art. It’s a good idea to check your dog’s head for any poorly executed missiles. Removing them quickly will save both you and your dog a lot of hassle.

Birdie will need a variety of foods. Birds are sensitive to pesticides, so feeding him organic produce is a must. Yes, I know it’s expensive. The ridiculous price you paid for your parrot is nothing compared to the ongoing cost of his upkeep. Get used to it. Keep in mind you will need to purchase extra food to allow for what he shares with the dog and what he flings across the room for his own amusement. The food on your plate will be especially attractive to your bird. He won’t think twice about wading into your spaghetti to sample it.

Parrots are social animals who love being with their humans. Learn to run the vacuum, which you will do a minimum of seventeen times a day, with a bird attached to your shirt.

Clothing with buttons will no longer have a place in your wardrobe. A parrot can snatch off a button in a nanosecond, making tee shirts essential. Just don’t be alarmed when Birdie goes tee-shirt diving. He’s curious, and it’s just his way of exploring.

Most people want birds who talk. While there’s no guarantee your bird will, many do. Because your parrot will repeat what he hears, be careful what you say around him. Never mention your computer password or bank account number near him. Monitoring television programs is critical. Rough language isn’t the only concern. Birdie may hear an annoying commercial and “entertain” you with his squawky rendition all day long. And of course, never keep your parrot in the bedroom.

Talking birds can be a great deterrent for nuisance calls. Put your bird on your shoulder and encourage him to talk. After hearing “Come here, baby, want a kiss?”, most people will hang up. Those few stubborn ones who don’t will surely be put off by evil laughter and bodily function noises.

Prepare yourself for some screaming. It will happen. You will think your bird’s relatives in South America can hear him. If they can‘t, your neighbors can. I hope you are on very good terms with them. Do not under any circumstances give them your house key or any poultry recipes. At least not until they have met Birdie and think he’s as cute as you do.

There is something I must caution you about. Your bird may appear as if he is gagging and bring up some partially digested food. He isn’t ill. This is a natural behavior and is of the highest compliment to you. He is letting you know that he considers you a flock member and is regurgitating to feed you. Lucky you!

One final note: stock up on Band Aids.

I hope this has helped. Enjoy your bird.


Maxine Markel, Avian Behaviorist.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1495 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
05/22/08
VERY fun - I could picture most of these things happening. Love the tone and voice of this - and especially the advice NOT to give neighbors poultry recipes. Truly enjoyed this!
Laury Hubrich 
05/24/08
Funny commentary on being a bird owner. Ummm... I think I'll pass. ROFL!
Laury
Verna Cole Mitchell 
05/25/08
Delightful, humorous commentary. Did you know a dog will keep your secrets?
Dee Yoder
05/25/08
Ha! Now I know why I'm not a bird owner! My Grandmother had many birds-I had to change their cages out once a week-one thing I want to know: why do birds like to try to pull your thumbnails off?! Every bird she had tried that on me...ouch! Love your many examples of avian antics. You made me laugh AND cringe.
Chely Roach
05/26/08
"And of course, never keep your parrot in the bedroom."
LOL! Very funny and entertaining...well done.
Joshua Janoski
05/26/08
"After hearing “Come here, baby, want a kiss?”, most people will hang up."

LOL! You never fail to crack me up with your wonderful sense of humor, Betty. Of course, I know that a lot of what you are saying here is true, which makes it all the more hilarious.

I will definitely keep all of this stuff in mind before purchasing a parrot. :)

Thank you for sharing this wonderfully funny piece.
LaNaye Perkins
05/26/08
As a fellow parrot owner this piece made me laugh out loud. It is so close to real life and absolutely halarious. Well done my friend. TOO FUNNY!
Yvonne Blake 
05/26/08
(smile) I've never owned a bird, and now I don't think I ever will. I can see how a dog and a bird would enjoy each other's company. I'm sure they could come up with some "tricks".
Joy Faire Stewart
05/27/08
This is hilarious with great format and voice. Also, I found it very interesting. I knew nothing about parrots.
Lynda Lee Schab 
05/27/08
ROFL! Too funny! I think the second half of the entry was particularly hilarious, especially this line "And, of course, never keep your parrot in the bedroom." HA! Very clever and unique take on The Family Pet.
Jan Ackerson
05/27/08
Extremely witty! Not sure why anyone would actually want a bird after reading this...but it was highly entertaining and very visual. Great job!
Debbie Wistrom
05/28/08
Your expert's voice is wonderful, this had me smiling and cringing. I agree with some of the others, no birds for me. Thansk for the warning. ;)
LauraLee Shaw
05/28/08
Love it! My kids kept bugging me to tell them why I was laughing out loud, so I just gave up and read it to them. Their eyes were HUGE! Then they proceeded to tell me how much funnier your writing is than mine, but no worries, I still love you! Kids are so honest. ;)
Sara Harricharan
05/28/08
ROFL! This is too funny! I know someone who would love to read this. You made it real and entertaining at the same time. I loved the image of "Tee-shirt diving" that was simply hilarious. ^_^
Cheri Hardaway
05/29/08
Hysterically funny! Written by a true bird expert. And thanks... I always thought I wanted a bird, but not anymore. Ever wish someone would have told you these kinds of truths about children too? Just kidding! =) Blessings, Cheri
Lyn Churchyard
05/29/08
Very, very enjoyable story. There were just so many great lines in this - 'Tell your guests it’s modern art', 'Tee-shirt diving', 'wading into your spaghetti to sample it.' All combined to give me a great laugh. Wonderfully written by a true bird lover.
Mariane Holbrook
05/29/08
As a former parrot owner who had to sell her parrot because he helped himself to a chunk out of my dog's nose, I found this soooo delightful and funny. But then, you are, too, Betty dear, just so delightful and funny!
Joshua Janoski
05/30/08
Congratulations on taking 9th place in your level with this piece, Betty!
Joshua Janoski
05/30/08
And you placed 13th overall. Awesome!