The Day I Had No Pants | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: The Day I Had No Pants | Previous Challenge Entry
By JK Stenger
09/02/25
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I had a dream: I was asked to preach.

Only a dream, of course, as I’m no preacher; just the janitor of our church.

But honestly, I’ve always aspired to be a preacher. I dare say I’ve been tempted, on occasion, to murmur that I missed my calling. After all, I’ve witnessed hundreds of sermons. I know which jokes work and how a preacher ought to conduct himself.

Still, none of that makes me a preacher, although the yearning for the calling has always remained. That was true until I had my dream.

Let me clarify. In my dream, God Himself wanted me to preach. My heart leapt. At last, the hidden brilliance of my soul had been recognized; the deep spirituality I possessed.

A rush of pride coursed through me as I rose, smiling benevolently at the adoring parishioners. With great dignity, I ascended the stage. I strode to the pulpit and, with a confident swoosh of my hand, straightened my hair as I looked at the open Bible before me. My eyes fell on the words: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Ah, I was to preach about pride, my favorite subject.

Clearing my throat, I looked out over the sea of faces, and in a booming voice declared, “Pride… an insidious enemy that plagues even the best of us.” Bible in one hand so I could wave it for emphasis, I stepped away from the pulpit and began pacing back and forth, like I had seen famous preachers do.

Pausing for impact, I caught restless stares and even some muffled laughter from the back.

Laughter? How disrespectful. Perhaps the ushers needed to remove the culprits.

However, it seemed the laughter spread. People let out soft giggles and subdued snickers.

I ignored it. These people needed a hard sermon on pride. I swallowed and roared, “A proud man is always looking down on things and as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something above you."

I’d read that quote somewhere, and it sounded just about right.

“Look down yourself,” someone shouted.

Excuse me?

People did not even try to hide their laughter anymore. Soft giggles became roars, snickers became loud guffaws. My sense of greatness drained away like water through a sieve. Indignant fury rose, veins bulging. Just as I opened my mouth to rant about humility, someone shouted, “Pastor … you forgot your pants.”

“Yeah, preacher. You look silly,” another roared while slapping his legs in joyful laughter.

I froze. Even as a janitor, I always wore my best suit. Fine pressed pants, a carefully dusted jacket and a colorful tie that said, ‘Jesus saves.’ A true testimony to my immaculate attitude. My jacket was there. I felt it. And so was my tie, but … no pants.

I was dressed in diapers. My hairy, crooked legs made me look ridiculous, and I immediately understood the source of their merriment.

I was in despair. I stumbled back to the steps, wanting to disappear.

Dear Lord, deliver me from this horror. The despair is more than I can bear.

Then I heard a whisper: “Son, if you had climbed up with the humility you now carry on your way down, you would have come down with the joy you carried when you went up.”

What?

I did not want to hear it, but it was the gentle but firm voice of my Savior teaching me a lesson.

I screamed, only to hear a warm voice nearby.

“Wake up, Charles … You are having a nightmare.”

I opened my eyes and stared into the concerned eyes of my beloved Annie, my wife of almost fifty years.

“Oh, Annie,” I cried. “I’m in diapers, no, worse, I’m in despair. I dreamed of preaching. I aspired to lead others, but I’m not ready for that, immature as I am. I’m just the janitor.”

“Of course you are, my dear,” she said, planting a gentle kiss on my sweaty forehead. “And God be praised, you are a very good one. That is a calling too, you know.”

“I know,” I said as the last remnants of the dream ebbed and my heartbeat returned to normal.

Last week, Anna and I stepped on stage not as preachers but for our 50th wedding anniversary. They had organized a party to honor our years of service. I’m just the janitor, happy with what I truly have. Beats preaching any day.

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