Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Precious (11/14/24)
-
TITLE: The Well | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Percell
11/20/24 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Oh, you are so right, it hurts dear. My arms tremble with the need to hold my child. My mind rehearses all the reasons she should want to be with me. In the night I wake up shaking with a panic that won't let go. The long hours of remembering her harsh words and trying to convince myself I didn't hear them, the unreasonable hope she will change her mind and come running, yes, it hurts.
Then there is the anger, 'how could she?' and 'I gave the best years of my life, and this is what I get!' I don't deserve this. I pick up the phone to give her a piece of my mind, but angry words won't help her love me.
In quiet hours in the night, I realize she is lonely and afraid and wondering where to find her answers. I get a glimpse of the fears and confusion that fuel her angry thoughtless words. I understand that she isn't sitting around thinking of ways to hurt me, she is only trying to ease her own pain. It was so easy when mama kisses fixed everything, now I have only one thing to offer. I will never, ever stop loving her, she is mine to love, and I will not give up the job. I won't do it well, I will offer comfort when tough love is needed and firmness when she only needs held, but the point is that I won't stop trying no matter how hard she pushes me away.
“How can you possibly do that? You don't deserve to be a punching bag. Aren't we supposed to stand up for ourselves? Maybe you just need to walk away.”
Yep, that's the normal advice, the wisdom of the age. Walk away and be free. She is the definition of toxic lately. Travel for Christmas, just let it all go. But I won't, I decorate and make lists and plan meals as if the magic isn't shattered, as if she will come in the door with an arm full of packages and give hugs and laughter and be home.
“You are punishing yourself, this isn't a Hallmark movie, be real.”
Real, yes, that is my choice. Remember what is real. It's the well that is real.
When I was a child on a hot day, gasping for a drink I would go to the well. The crank was squeaky, and the rope would stick, but if I persisted the cold, sweet water would rise in the bucket. I would drink the first few dippers with abandon, splashing, spilling, pouring the water of life into my thirsty body. Slowing down I would dip several more times and swallow long and slow droughts of liquid strength until I couldn't possibly absorb another drop. My belly would swell with the refreshing energy, and I would lay in the sun laughing with the joy of being full.
“Sweetheart, you are tired, you aren't making sense, maybe it's time for bed.”
Give me just another moment to explain. My dear girl, she's thirsty, she's panting for answers, she's running in the relentless sun and gasping for something. She lashes out as she runs, she runs over anyone on the path to what she thinks she needs. She isn't running to hurt me; she's running to find her well.
I sit here filled from the precious, overflowing well of the Water of Life, all my needs are met, I want for nothing. My heart is at peace, my battles are won. I can't hand her the dipper, but I can remain, waiting, loving, letting her rage, being her home. Sure, it is hard, the words hurt, but there is enough, enough cool, clear precious water to sustain me while I weather her battles in prayer and steadfast refusal to give up on her. He has loved me so fully that I can overflow His love onto her as long as it takes.
“So, you are just going to keep letting her beat you up?”
Well, He let me struggle until I let Him love me, I can try to do the same. There will be a need for some tough words, but only when I know they are words that flow from love and not from my own revenge. I will drink from the well many times and wait for the right words, the precious Words of Life that only He will provide.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
