Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: SOCIAL (04/07/16)
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TITLE: The Light of Change | Previous Challenge Entry
By Graham Keet
04/10/16 -
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Some said I had a chip on my shoulder – that I didn’t like being told what to do. I remember the night Linda was sitting next to me in the car – telling me how lousy I was for not wanting to meet her large family. We had only been going out for about three weeks, so I thought it was too soon for a family gathering. My parents had passed on, which made it easy for her. There was only me. In any case, I hated crowds. I didn’t mind meeting on a one-to-one basis; but I was uneasy in a crowd.
The more she carried on, the more upset I got. The rain was coming down harder, so I switched my windshield wipers on full-blast, and put my foot on the gas. Linda got quiet – at last. She said perhaps I was going too fast – but that was all she said.
It looked like a normal road surface ahead, but there must have been a few inches of water on the tarmac. The car started aquaplaning. I couldn’t control it; we spun around; and around; and around – then we hit the road barriers. The car rolled – many times. I heard Linda screaming as the air bags hit her. The car slid on its side and collided with a pole – roof first. Noise erupted around us – then silence. It was dark - I couldn’t see Linda. I called her name, then I saw a light. Must be another car on bright headbeams. I shouted, uncharacteristically, “Jesus, help us, don’t let that car hit us.”
The headlights grew brighter, and suddenly I was inside of them. The lights were swallowing me up, and I was travelling inside them. Then everything became light around me. I must have been removed from the car – somehow – ‘cause now I was standing in a field; and it was daytime.
“Come and meet some of the folk you know.” He was a short, happy-looking guy with a big smile. He said his name was Julian. He led me to a group of people sitting on a blanket. They were eating and drinking – and singing. I saw my ex-boss, who was always trying to convert me. I’d heard he had died, but I wasn’t sure about that. I tried to hide my face, but he saw me and jumped up. He invited me to sit.
I joined them, then to my surprise my late brother came along. He said Ma and Pa were there too, and would join us later. We ate and sang – I knew the words of the songs, but there were no song-sheets. I just knew them. We ate and sang for ages – it was great. Everyone accepted me. This had never happened before.
I asked about Linda, and Julian said she was okay. I felt bad about my rotten driving, and hoped she had not been hurt too badly. Julian said to come with him. We walked away from the group, and a man in shimmering clothes met us. It was like he was made of light. His eyes burned into mine, and he asked me if I wanted to stay, or go back. I said, “Stay, please.”
He said I needed to put some things right first, then I could come back. He put his hand over my eyes, and told me to keep them closed. Then he said, “Open your eyes.”
I saw on his lapel badge that his name was Doctor Langeman – he was taking my pulse. He asked if I had pain. I could feel my right leg was in plaster and so was my left arm. The doctor said I had been out for a while. He said I was lucky – that I could have been killed. I just smiled, then asked him about Linda. He said that she and her family were waiting outside anxiously.
“How is she, Doc?” I asked.
“Only a few scratches, the airbags saved her.”
“Can I see her, and her family?”
“You can see her by herself, but I don’t want everyone in here.”
“Send Linda in, Doc, but tell her family I can’t wait to meet them all.”
As I said, I remember it like it was yesterday. Sometimes Linda and I sit in front of the fire with the kids, and I tell them about the Light that changed me.
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I don't remember if you wanted red ink or not, so I'll just leave it like this. A very entertaining and uplifting tale which you made sound believable. Thank you.
A couple of punctuation notes: In your first sentence, their shouldn't be a space before your use of "...".
Secondly, I'm going to give the dreaded em dash lecture. :)
Instead of a plain dash, cushioned by a space on each side, you should be using the em dash to replace your parentheticals. "Depending on the context, the em dash can take the place of commas, parentheses, or colons—in each case to slightly different effect."
I have received the "em dash lecture" probably a dozen times over the many years I've been submitting FW Challenge articles, so trust me when I say I understand (Shann, if you're out there, you'd be proud of me). :)
Other than that (which is admittedly minor), this entry is really strong. I love the very real-feeling style you used to show us a man who, literally, saw the light. I think I'll remember this story for a long time, too.
Thanks for sharing it with us!
Blessings~