Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Lock and Key (08/21/14)
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TITLE: Never Even Happened | Previous Challenge Entry
By Allison Egley
08/28/14 -
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Characters:
Receptionist: Sits behind the receptionist desk throughout the scene, working on the computer.
Steve: Client. Goes to Lock & Key for help with his case. He has a blue cast on his left arm.
Lock & Key: Both are lawyers.
Opening: As the lights come up, Receptionist sits at the receptionist desk. Steve enters, stage left.
Receptionist: Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Lock & Key. Like it Never Even Happened.
Steve: Well, I certainly wish this whole situation had never happened, so I'm hoping you can help me.
Receptionist: That's why we're here. Lock and Key will be with you shortly. They both like to meet a potential client at the initial consultation, to see which would be a better fit. Have a seat, please.
(Steve sits down and picks up a magazine with a headline from years ago.)
Steve: (Muttering to himself) Well, I sure hope their legal practices are more up to date than these magazines.
(Steve sits and looks at the various magazines for a bit, before Lock and Key enter, stage right.)
Lock: Hello. Steve? Why don't you come with us?
(All three men walk back to one of the desks.)
Lock: Hello. I'm Bolton Lock.
Key: And I'm Rusty Key. Pleased to meet you, Steve.
(Steve shakes hands with Lock and Key. Lock sits behind the desk, Key next to him. Steve sits in front of the desk, but angled so he can still be seen by the audience.)
Lock Steve, we like to make sure your case is so tight that it's like we locked it up... the case, mind you. Not you...
Key: ...And threw away the key. Now before we get too much further, we would like to make you aware of our one-hundred dollar consultation fee.
Steve: What? I thought lawyers never collected money unless the case is won, and the consultations were always free.
Lock: (looks at Key) He's cute, isn't he? (to Steve) I fear you watch too much TV. The consultation fee is standard, because we want to make sure we can give you the individualized attention you need.
Steve: (uneasy) Okay... I guess....
Key: Now tell us about your case.
Steve:I've been charged in a crime I didn't commit. It's been all over the news. This man... not me... broke into a store and robbed the owner at gunpoint. Surveillance cameras caught everything. The guy even looks like me. The main distinguishing feature they could find was that the suspect had a blue cast on his left arm. You see, I was on vacation at the time of the crime. The worst part is while I was on vacation, I broke my left arm, and now I have a blue cast on my left arm, just like the suspect.
Lock: It never happened.
Steve: (bewildered) Uhh...What never happened?
Key: The robbery.
Steve: But there's video. It's been headline news! So are you going to help me, or not? How in the world can I clear my name when I look like the suspect and even have this cast on my arm?
Key: He just told you. It never happened.
Steve: (Taking a deep breath) Telling me the robbery never happened isn't going to clear my name. I can't take this cast off, and I'm suspect number one right now.
Lock: That never happened.
Steve: I ask you again. What never happened?
Key: You never broke your arm.
Steve: Yes I did. I think I would know whether or not I broke my arm. And I've got a cast on my arm. Just like the real suspect.
Lock: No you don't. I don't see a blue cast, Key. Do you?
Key: Nope. No cast.
Steve: Look. Don't make me lock this cast into your heads. Are you helping me, or not?
Lock: We already told you.
Steve: Let me get this straight. Your motto is that you'll make like it (coming to a realization, trailing off at the end) never... even... happened...
Key: Now you're getting it.
Lock: That will be $100, please.
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God bless~
I like your dialogue and your characters are good. As an old scriptwriter, director and actor, I will give you a little bit of advice on writing scripts (not that you asked for it, or want it):
Don't write blocking into your script. Directors and actors are going to mostly ignore it and do what feels natural to them anyway, and it's considered bad form in the industry for writer to write in blocking. Certain things are okay, if they are pertinent to the scene or the character. Writing STEVE (sits) is fine. Writing STEVE (sits at a slight angle so he is still facing the audience) is not. It makes it sound as though someone performing your script might not know what they're doing when it comes to staging.
And, it's not a bad idea to let go of your script and acknowledge and accept that it's not going to be performed the way you have it in your head. Actors and directors need creative freedom, which makes writing scripts so much different than just about any other writing.
Anyway, that's a lot for my two cents, but it's what I got.
Again, good job with your characters and dialogue. Thanks for sharing.
God bless~
Way to come at it girl, fresh and entertaining with a bit of a mind bending ending.