Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
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TITLE: Seduction in Paradise | Previous Challenge Entry
By Pat Guy
04/19/07 -
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Chaucny looked down at her own body and plopped back on the blanket starring up at the clouds … And what do I wear? A flamingo pink, 50% off tummy tuck, one-piece bathing suit with a fanny skirt. How can I compete? What did I expect anyway? Her exasperated sigh reached the moving clouds just as they let the sun come sizzling down on her unTanning Booth skin. She closed her eyes tight. Out of sight, out of mind, she grimaced. Yeah right … until the next time … gross! A shudder crept from her toes, to her fanny skirt and escaped through her shoulders.
Of course, right at that same moment, a shadow covered her face and the voice of George Clooney spoke with enough sugar to sweeten a gallon of tea, “ Hey good lookin, watchcha got cookin?”
Chauncy shielded her eyes from the halo surrounding this hunk of a Clooney clone, “Me, evidently – I’m the only one out here roasting with no umbrella. My husband is SUPPOSED to be out looking for one, but he probably got distracted somewhere between here and there.”
Honey glistened on his lips, “Now, how could that be possible when he has you waiting for him?”
On my, the smile too. She could almost taste the sweet tea. She smiled back.
Clooney Clone got on his knees and looked deep into her smoldering eyes, “Chauncy, I couldn’t find an umbrella, but I did see a trail going though all those trees over there. Want a jungle kiss?”
Mmmmmm …. he always did know the way to her heart. Her head was spinning with the scent of Eau de Tanning Lotion … mmmmm … nice. She gave her best rendition of a silent-film swoon and took his hand … he held her close and … she waited to exhale.
Chauncy noticed little Miss Lipo, tummy-tuck Babe sashaying by … a pang tore through her like a harpoon – but then, she was being seduced by her husband of 17 yrs. … not bouncing off Mr. Thong Buster.
©2007
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Good: You nailed married life and made me laugh, which was the point,
Filling: except for the swooning bit - after 17 years that might be a teensy bit exaggerated..;)I know these things; it'll be 17 years in September. As for the writing, it feels a little rushed, as if you didn't put your usual love into writing it, but good overall.
Good: I loved the swimsuit, the thong on Trump (ugh)and the honey lips. Thongs are overrated anway ;)
I don't think your swooning was exaggerated at all for 17 yrs of marriage. I've been married almost 24 yrs, and the dialogue you used could easily have been from my husband. :) (Yet I'm having a hard time writing romance.)