A Father’s Love | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: A Father’s Love | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ellen Janson
06/11/25
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My husband and I hugged our two oldest sons goodbye at the airport, unsure of when we would see them again. They were returning to their respective colleges which used to be within a two hour drive, and now would require a flight and a day of travel. Our hearts were heavy as we returned to our other three boys at the new house.

The past week at the beach rental on Maryland’s coast was a vacation, but it was also to show all five of our sons where we would be living for the foreseeable future. It had been a family week of board games and riding ocean waves, and it had temporarily masked the reality that we all knew was coming. But it was over.

We moved to Baltimore for my husband’s job. He had been pursued by an industry owner and hadn’t seen that we had much of a choice. No one was happy about the move, least of all me. But I was trying to put on a brave face - to convince myself of what I kept telling my sons - that God would take care of us.

Our third son, Nathan, was a senior in high school. We had offered him the option of graduating from his highschool in Michigan, but he chose to come with us. Nathan planned to pursue a military academy and many of them were in or near Maryland anyway.
“And,” he told us, “I’m worried about Jack starting a new highschool by himself.”

Jack, our fourth son, had lost his easy going disposition almost overnight. He had stopped dancing in the kitchen, communicating with the dog in his special voice or even talking to us for the most part. Our fifth son was starting middle school - difficult in and of itself without a move.

Over the next year, my husband and I did our best to remain stoic and cheer our boys on in all their ventures. We used even minor holidays as an excuse to travel back to Michigan, closer to friends and our college aged sons. We spent obscene amounts of money on airline tickets to get our oldest two to Maryland as often as possible.

Still, I felt as if we were drifting out of their lives. Part of this was age appropriate (they were getting older after all) but it definitely felt expedited by the move. With my third son planning to pursue the military, the loss of control, or even relevance in my son’s lives, sometimes felt like it pierced my heart.

One afternoon when this weight was feeling especially heavy, the song “I’m No Longer A Slave to Fear” by Bethel Music came on the radio. The DJ prefaced the song by saying that it’s our human nature to sometimes feel afraid, “but,” he said “it’s what we do with that fear that matters.” When the music started I had to pull the car over because the tears came so fast and so strong that I could no longer see the road before me.

The truth was that it was time to let go, and I was very much afraid. My faith was weak. As the song said, I didn’t want to be a “slave” to my fear, but I realized I was trying to protect them, and in a sense, control things - as if God didn’t even have a role.

My heart began a transformation that day. I started to loosen the reins (that I had led myself to believe I actually held). The realization that they were His, not mine, freed me to love them - mistakes and all. God was in charge.

I loved my sons desperately, but He loved them even more.

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