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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Break (02/06/06)
FALLING APART


Molly slammed the car door, stormed through the living room into the kitchen. Why, Mark, why didn’t you finish the reports? Molly pulls off her designer jacket and throws it on the kitchen counter. Her close fist pounds in each other. The accounting reports aren’t ready; Mrs. Goodwill will call me for it first thing tomorrow morning. She reached forward to turn on the light, suddenly her brown eyes popped in fright. Her jacket was sitting in a red pool on the counter. Molly grabbed the jacket in an effort to undo the damage. Oh my God! Why did Mike leave the kitchen like this? She cringes. Her whole world shook; red and white polka dot jacket dripping in her hand. She stooped to the floor in frustration sobbing. The front door opened, she slowly rises to her feet, barely wiping the trickle of tear that streams down her now pale cheeks. She gasped to regain composure, clearing her throat with whispers of AMEN, AMEN.

“Baby, I’m home”. Mike enters the kitchen. “Don’t come in yet. Wait one minute”. His captivating scent enters the room. His eyes caught the soaked jacket on the floor. She cleared her throat. “Oh, Mike my department will be having a meeting tomorrow with Mrs. Goodwill and the accounting reports aren’t done. Mark is the expert and he has left them undone, this is unlike him. The information to complete the reports is at work. Everything is falling apart.” Mike gently pulled her slender body into his muscular arm to catch the sobs that melts his heart. He explains. “Mark tried to call you earlier but to no avail, and then he called me. I noticed that your cell phone was left in the bedroom. He asked me to meet him en route to the airport. He was in a hurry to see his mother whom he hadn’t seen over seven year. He recently learnt that she has terminal cancer. Instantly, I dropped the frozen Popsicle on the kitchen counter and sped off to meet him. The accounting documents are now in the sofa in the living room. Sorry about the jacket.” Mike smiled as he slowly releases her from his arms.

“I… I love you Mike.” She spun around in his arms to face him. “God is truly amazing. He kissed her lips to a new embrace. He let her go, she ran to the living room towards the sofa eye balling the reports.
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This article has been read 989 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
02/17/06
A few suggestions: Be careful with your tenses--you swtich from present to past quite a bit, which is disorienting to your reader. And your male characters have very similar names, which may confuse.

You came up with an interesting story idea, it just needs to be developed and polished. Some real potential here!