The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/15/22


Wow!!! Excellent piece of work! However, avoid repeating the topic or title as this is against FW.com guidelines unless they have changed recently. You repeated the topic [Heir] six times.Check this out. I will, too, just in case. Well done!
04/17/22
I enjoyed this entry and found it well written.

I could picture your submission in a children's story book.
This is a sweet, fun story. The dialog moves the story along and creates a picture for the reader. Although the dialog could be more authentic. People (even merpeople probably) don't always speak in complete sentences and use contractions. Although you do use the topic words a lot, there are no rules against it, but I often challenge people to try and write on topic without using the topic word or using it sparingly. You definitely wrote on topic, held my interest from beginning to end and wrote a good message outside of the box.