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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: DEPOSIT (03/11/21)
When God shows up
Maladjusted references to a fractured face; pencil shavings draw upon the complexion of a mannequin. Sweet perfumes stale the air, while the young man stammers across the pavement. Liquid eyes shimmer with the hue of death. A dying man, gnawing at his clothing like a moth burros into fabric. Preoccupied with their business suits and ties, the society that speaks lies fumbles about with their riffraff. Talking on cell phones, so enraptured with their joyous conversations, the young man goes unnoticed, left to his own devices, and no one cares. The young homeless wanderer is preoccupied with guilt and shame, for his life is nothing but a shambles. As the drunken man stumbles into a restaurant, he sees that the candlelit tables with the rich sitting there beneath their blurred lights. A young chap takes noticed, seating him among the pompous and the arrogant snobs. Everyone stares, quietly ease dropping on their conversation. The waiter speaks to the annoying crowd, “Leave him be, let him eat in peace.”

The young man reaches into his pocket, pulling out and old coin covered in moss. It was rusted and worn from being rubbed between his fingers. He handed it to the waiter saying, “This is my only way to pay for your kindness.” The waiter took the coin with a smile, saying, “Thank you for your gift, but the dinner is on me.” The young man nodded and left the coin on the table.” Not five minutes later the waiter returned to walk the man back outside, yet he was gone.

“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall He sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as the shepherd divides his sheep from the goats.And he will set the sheep on His right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to the sheep on His right hand, “Come you blessed of My Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink. I was a stranger and you took Me in.” Matthew 25:31-35 NKJV version
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Member Comments
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Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/26/21
This is a powerful piece. You do a great job of pulling the reader in right at the beginning. You have some vivid descriptions that paint a picture in my head. You introduced a few conflicts that help pull reader in, eager to finish reading and to begin to hear the Holy Spirit using your words to glorify him. Although I can see glimmers of the topic, I'm not sure if I would if I didn't know what to look for. You may want to focus on topic a bit more. Even if it feels ordinary, let Jesus guide you and it'll blossom in many ways.

Poetry is not my strongest suit, but it has spoken volumes to me before and yours touched my heart and gave me things on which to ruminate. I'm not sure if you nailed free verse rules, but I think it flowed nicely, you made some great points, and best of all, you give the reader insight and encouragement to look within and then to seek out Jesus and see what he is saying to each reader. I believe that takes talent, courage, and faith. My heart ached as the young man feels inadequate, alone in the world. Yet he is never alone. Jesus can understand our mere human brains because not only was he human, he simultaneously is the omnipotent and omniscient God. As humans I think we try too hard to think like God. We have human brains, but God blesses us often and the Holy Spirit uses us in unfathomable ways, which is pretty cool.