The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: BEACH (12/05/19)
The sand and the water

There was the time when her mother left her on the blanket with her Aunty and disappeared into the ocean. And she cried because she couldn’t see her. And her father came to meet them at the train. She remembered the look and her mother’s new haircut. But he loved her mother more than life, so what was a haircut? It would grow back.

There was the long march from Stutthof to the Baltic Sea. And the sound of German rifles as the bullets hit the bodies and the water. After liberation, there was the stay in the hospital and the walk along the seashore. There was something about that, the sand and the water.

And a sailboat in the harbor, this time with a husband, in the United States. Soon, with three children, they would vacation every year at the beach.

She loved to swim in her pool until she was well into her eighties, sleek, athletic, and beautiful still.

She slipped away during the night. They say there are no oceans in heaven. I’m sure she doesn’t mind.

Now I walk along the shore, the sand between my toes. A breeze whips my headscarf around my face, sharp as red sea glass. I taste the salt. There is something about that, the sand and the water…

Creative Nonfiction
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 373 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Leola Ogle
12/12/19
A very poignant story. Thank you for sharing. God bless.
Barbara Culler 
12/12/19
Very vivid descriptions. But who are you speaking of, and why was she important to the narrator?
Jenny Fulton 
12/13/19
Sounds like a very intriguing history. I think it would well in a longer form. I was a little confused at the beginning and end.
Terrie Ellington 
12/13/19
Your story was hard to follow. The story line did not flow smoothly as if some of the sentences, paragraphs, and characters were't connected at certain points. When new characters are introduced, explain the connection to the previous place, person or actions happening.
Maybe it's just me, because I'm not exactly sure how to explain what needs to be done to make it flow more smoothly. Keep writing.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
12/13/19
I liked how you brought up conflict right away. I would have liked to know why her mother suddenly left her at the beach with her aunt.

I believe you needed to create better transitions to help us understand whether her mom and dad being in and out of her life brought pain or happiness.

I liked how you took a creative approach to the topic.



Dennis Gallemore
12/14/19
Intriguing story that needs more information added to it.