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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: YOUTH (04/04/19)
Sitting quietly in the back seat of the sports utility vehicle, Jocelyn wonders what exactly she has gotten herself into. She is rather new to the church, but this youth group and its leaders she has known longer and she likes them. They are older, but they have a lot energy and are just goofy enough to keep things interesting. But today she is heading up to a mountain cabin where they are going to talk about spiritual gifts. She likes church and she loves Jesus, but she is a little young to talk about being used by God. That will come when she was older.

Standing in a circle at a church in the mountains. The pastor is praying over each of the young people who have come on the retreat. Somehow, it's probably a God thing, the pastor knows and prays over each of them uniquely. He speaks of how each has a gift from God that he or she can use to bring God glory. He stops at her and prays. It is not a formulaic prayer, but a prayer from the heart. Each word reaches her soul. He prays that she will know her gift and use it for the glory of God. Just maybe she has something to offer and it gives her the best feeling of her life.

Riding home she is more talkative. The experience in the mountains has changed her. She doesn't have to wait to be used by God. She is gifted now. God has given her a gift, maybe more than one. Yes, she is young, but that should not stop her from hearing from God and being used to bless others. Her life is far from perfect and school is still a hassle, but there is hope and that is always a good thing. She has a purpose and the means to fulfill that purpose and that is far more than she ever realized that she had.
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This article has been read 438 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joy Bach 
04/11/19
Very good thoughts. Thanks for sharing. Just one point. Sometimes you shifted the tense such as the last sentence in the first paragraph. But I could follow your intent. Keep on writing.
Marlene Custer 
04/11/19
An interesting experience. God uses those with a willing heart.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/12/19
You have a great take on the topic. I like how you show the conflict right off the bat. I'd love to see more body language and dialog. Perhaps have her bite her lower lip or jiggle her knee on the ride up. Another thing you might want to do is use more active sentences. For example, I might suggest something like this: Although she's known the kids and leaders of the youth group for a long time, she only started attending church a few weeks ago. She likes everyone; they're older, full of energy and aren't afraid to be goofy. (Word has an option that tells you which percentage of sentences are active. Sometimes I try to get a 100% active to help hone my technique. Of course in reality, you want to have a mixture and there are times when a passive sentence is the most succinct.)
Another tiny thing I noticed is other than the beginning you don't use her name again. Sprinkling it in here and there as well as combining sentences can cut down on the number of times you used the pronoun. I'd have loved to hear the pastor's prayer because not everyone knows how to pray and using dialog like that pulls the reader in more.
I'm not sure of her age, but formulaic seems like a word not many kids would use.
I think my favorite line is It's probably a God thing. It really helps me feel like I know her personality and can relate to her. I think it's great that "it" doesn't need to be dissected, she just accepts it's a God thing. I need to do that more often. I find myself searching for answers instead of just having aith. This is a great message and you truly touched my heart.
C D Swanson 
04/12/19
This touched my heart!
Thank you...
WOnderful job,
Blessings~
Barbara Culler 
04/13/19
I like how you came full circle- she felt like she was too young to be used by God, yet after the retreat, she felt ready willing and able!