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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: STRESSED - Begins January 18 / Ends January 25 (01/18/18)
Lowest Ebb

A team of surveyors, on my invitation, was carrying out some work on my land. After work, on my way home, I decided to check on the work progress. Reaching there, I found them winding up. The team leader started showing me around what they had done.

Suddenly, I was hit by a heavy force. I never saw it coming. I fell flat on the ground. All I could hear were people shouting. They came and lifted me up. I was feeling no pain. But my right leg had lost its power. It was facing in the opposite direction. Fear, instead of pain, enveloped me. “Death?” a mischievous thought came to my mind. I tried to bravely ignore it.

“Your leg seems to be broken”, Gerald, my driver, told me with sadness in his eyes.
“Sir, you have been hit by a bull”, he added sorrowfully.

“Where is the bull?” I asked, more out of confusion than necessity.
“We scared him away by shouting before he could have gored you to death as they normally do”, one of the herdsmen said.

“You are dead, dying or permanently crippled”, the mischievous voice came racing again. I timidly brushed it off.

I was frantically carried into my car and rushed to the nearest hospital. Fred, a famous Surgeon, successfully operated on me for three hours under full anesthesia. For my tibia and fibula bones which were severely fractured, he supported with metal and plaster of Paris. He also prescribed some drugs to take regularly. For over eight months, I was either hospital or house confined as I slowly recuperated.

Due to limited space and time, I will spare my readers, the burden of details of the animal accident, the sickness it inflicted upon me and the conspiracy theories about both.

Suffice to say, in passing, that all the conspiracy theories rotated around my job. A group of internal and external Muslims desperately wanted to dislodge me from the job of a CEO using a three pronged strategy: jihad, witchcraft and poison. The faction was led by my corporation secretary who doubled as my defacto deputy. He had even applied for the job but was never shortlisted. That, alone, sparked off an acrimonious conflict as soon as I assumed my office and the conflicted raged on for years.

Back to the job. In stores management, there is a policy termed “first in, first out [fifo]” and another “last in, first out [lifo]”. The practice used depends on the nature and market of the product. In the wine industry, for example, where the quality of certain types of wine, improves with years, older wine stocks can be kept at the back of the store, while other wines and drinks, that came later, are sold off using lifo policy. On the other hand, in the pharmaceutical sector, where products have expiry dates, the fifo policy is mandatory to avoid losses.

My foes, taking full advantage of my absence, deliberately tampered with the computers and related records and put Anti Retro Virus [ARV] drugs under lifo, instead of fifo. During my sick leave, ARVs worth over USD 1m expired.

The management and staff screamed. The Board screamed. HIV/AIDS patients screamed. The media screamed. The Ministry of Health screamed. Hospitals and Clinics screamed. Parliament screamed. The Cabinet screamed. Donors screamed. The President screamed.
My foes celebrated. They fueled the debate with doctored information. The trick worked. The whole nation screamed.

One voice could be heard. “Crucify the Accounting Officer!”-me. Being sick, and on leave, was never reported and it did not matter. My services were summarily terminated by the Minister of Health. My heart bled. I plunged to the lowest ebb. A mountain of worries, fear, anxiety, anger, self-pity, denial, hatred… all descended upon me. Insomnia, diabetes and high blood pressure followed and finally, mature depression, all pounded me day and night.

Four year later, at 5am, on 27 May 2009, the Holy Spirit came, tapped on my shoulders and woke me up. I listened to my body – from my cranium through my heart to the toes. I was totally healed and much more – the fruit of salvation was fully restored until today. Gal. 5:22.

NON-FICTION
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This article has been read 441 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jenny Fulton 
01/27/18
Wow, that sounds like quite the nightmare. You did a good job recounting the incident. I found myself a little lost when you were describing some of the technicalities that resulted in your job loss, though I picked up enough to know that it was a really big deal.

One writing-related comment: at the end when you wrote, "the fruit of salvation was fully restored until today" the "until today" makes it sound as though the fruit of salvation is no longer restored.
C D Swanson 
01/28/18
Nice job with the topic.

Blessings~
Susan Montaperto
01/30/18
Very well done. Thank you for sharing your story.

God Bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/31/18
This is a thrilling story. You did a good job of writing on topic and showing a unique POV. I connected with your MC and was eager to read what happened next.

I noticed you repeated words (work and screamed). You also have some details that the reader doesn't really need to know. By cutting some of those it will leave you with more room to use dialog, body language, and thoughts to paint a picture for your reader. For example, I might edit the first couple of paragraphs like this:
As I walked around surveying my property, I soundly felt something slam into me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I sailed through the air and plopped face first into the dirt.
I heard voices shouting, "Come quick! Get help!"
Trembling, I elevaluated my limbs as I felt hands lift me up. Bile tickled the back of my throat when I noticed my mangled leg. I furrowed my eyebrows. <i>I should be in agony, but it doesn't really hurt. </i>
Beads of sweat popped out on my lip as fear enveloped me. An eerie voice in my head mocked me. <i>You're going to die! Mu-ha-ha! Die! Die! </i>


This is just a quick example to show you what I mean. You don't need to tell the readers what you will or won't say. They will figure it out as they read. By shortening these background details, it allows more space to add those details.

I liked the conflict in your story. It made me want to keep reading. Your message is a powerful one. It will definitely make the reader think.

I'd like to challenge you to read and comment on every entry in your level and one from each other level. By seeing what you like or what doesn't work in other stories, you'll learn that you can tweak those things in your stories. It also feels great to help others and encourage them too.

I think you have a great foundation here. With a bit of tweaking, you'd have a very powerful story. I'm sure it will touch many.