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Topic: EMBARRASS(ED) (11/03/16)
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TITLE: Will you receive this? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Karen Yvette Harris-Stokes
11/05/16 -
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In bold red letters, “Do you Sharon Baker love Me? If yes, then why have you not called out My Name and Why are you not sharing your thoughts with Me? Do I have to show you more ways than these words in this letter? Look at the date I WROTE this on the bottom of this letter. Her eyes jumped down to the end of the letter. There was a signature written in red and dated: September 5, 1957. Something in her spirit moved to a time and place of her birth. Then tears ran down her face as an endless river flooding the gates of her soul. She was totally blown away with this letter and said to herself, I can’t believe this letter and the signature next to the date.
She was about to stop reading but her mind was confused as to why the LORD wrote this to her. As she read these words: I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.
She screamed out loud and heard the walls caving in her inner being. LORD how can you say I am lukewarm, from childhood, I have kept the commandments, and I always was obedient to my parents. Then a voice spoke these words: Because I loved you before you were born and no one can snatch you away from me. You have gotten too busy to hear me and now is the time for you to know me. Remember what you have received today and so that you can grow in me. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but it is I who will see you through it all.
I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. Like many of us in this day and time, are among the thorns bushes of the rose of Sharon. Caught up in the many schemes of life, we become too busy to read the letters of the LORD. As the rose of Sharon is the Holy Spirit of GOD, who is given to us to live. His name is a banner that reflects what is not seen or heard of this world. He was in the world and the world knew Him not, He came to His own but they did not receive Him. As many as received Him has also received the true riches of life and become children of the Holy Father. Amen
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Your opening started with a passive line. Just by switching it around, it can be an active one. For example, I might edit it like this: Sharon sifted through the mail and gasped when she spotted an odd-looking envelope. How did I ever miss this? It looks so important.
I added some body language and put her thoughts into italics to make it stand out. Changing those minor things can paint a more vivid picture for your reader. Making shorter paragraphs and double-spaced them can give the reader the much needed white space too.
I think the love letter from God was poignant. I liked how you used actual Bible verses to showcase his love for us. Your story was on topic in a fresh and interesting way. I think we all can relate to needing a wake-up call now and then. This story definitely does that. Nice job.