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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: CHECKING IN OR OUT (hotel/motel on vacation) (08/27/15)
“Good morning! Welcome to the Shannon. Are you checking in?”

Belfast! Been ten years since I left here under a cloud. I guess some of my business activities were not all above board. This was just before the Good Friday agreement. Now, since the proclaimed ceasefire is holding, it's time to find out if we’re all clear to return.

We made a new life first in Manchester, then moved to Canada and set up a small transport company. All was going well until we heard a rumour that someone from the past was looking for a member of my family.

So here we are, a small delegation from my family, to get to the bottom of this. Before setting foot anywhere near Ireland, we made sure we had no contracts on our heads. Even though we have not been here in years, we still have some influence.

We had our people hold secret meetings with each faction involved, and discovered no problems. I have always been a business man: nothing illegal, well nothing too illegal. Have seen people hurt, some seriously, but then that's Northern Ireland we’re talking about. What major city doesn’t have the same concerns?

The Shannon Hotel is a quiet sixteen room hotel, small but luxurious, overlooking the Lagan river. We booked the whole hotel for the weekend and have individuals attending our gathering from various entities. Our family has dealt with most people of influence in this country for decades. First to arrive was Adam, with his typical flamboyant entrance, after his man checked out the area first. He was clearly worried I was going to do something on him. Next was Tom, followed by Seamus, Martin, Colin, Lisa and finally my Uncle Patrick.

Uncle Patrick stayed behind to look after the family firm, which had grown throughout the peace/unease that followed the Good Friday peace deal.

So here I sit with a group of seven main people, shadowed by two others each. It’s funny how twenty-one individuals can look so out of the place, but these people between them held the balance of influence in this country. What happened went through these people. For the first time since arriving, I felt at peace. No one was after me – or if they were, it was so far under the radar to not be worth any sleepless nights.

Ten years I have been away, all because I had accidentally reversed into a lad who had run onto the road. There was no way I could have seen him. Unfortunately, what I was carrying in my van was illegal and I couldn’t risk the authorities finding it. Let’s say my family have been known to transport weapons, but not explosives. I have never sanctioned such actions.

I did check on the lad, and although shaken, he was able to hobble home. I gave him one hundred pounds to get a taxi home and told him to be more careful next time. How was I to know he had suffered internal injuries and would consequently be left severely disabled? I have felt guilty all these years, but did made financial restitution to the family by paying for all the expenses they occurred plus more. My conscience is not clean, but we were in the middle of a war for our survival. Under the Good Friday Agreement, certain crimes were quashed; and mine were among them.

Finally, the meeting was over, business was concluded and even a few deals were made involving Canada and Ireland.

I arranged to see Uncle Patrick tomorrow at his home on the foot of the White Mountain.

Leaving the hotel, I noticed a rather cute young girl who had been eyeing me up earlier. As she approached, I measured her up wondering if she might fancy staying in a beautiful hotel suite with me. I stopped beside her and longingly looked into her eyes.

"Mr Dominic Patrick Smyth?"

"Yes,” I answered.

"My name is Sarah Tomlin."

My blood ran cold; that was the sister of the lad I hit!

"I’m sorry—" I started to say, when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach only to see a blade protruding from it.

She had stabbed me.

She towered over me. "I, at least, have called an ambulance; more than you ever did for him!"

...

Fortunately, I recovered fully after the knife attack. I also stayed in Canada, I didn’t want the old life or retributions on her.

The cycle of revenge ends now.

***

Authors Note: This is fiction but based upon a historical period of Northern Ireland’s history
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 647 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
09/03/15
Wow - intense and dramatically written. This had my attention from start to finish.

Well done.

God bless~
Judy Sauer 
09/03/15
The tensions of Northern Ireland was felt greatly in your words. I did not see the end coming. Keep writing.
Gregory Kane
09/04/15
This was an interesting story. The imaginative atmosphere was certainly compelling and one could picture the competing emotions within the main character. But I felt let down by the abruptness of the stabbing. I wonder if you could have trimmed some of the preceding details and expanded this final episode, particularly developing the emotional content.
Margaret Kearley
09/07/15
This is an extremely gripping story. It brings back so many memories of the troubles in Northern Ireland.
Pain and revenge run deep and this story had a strong authentic feel to it, even though you labelled it fiction. Good writing.
Ellen Carr 
09/09/15
You have connected this story into history and realistic happenings well and told it well. Just a tiny red ink comment: you occasionally slipped from the past into the present tense, which is easily done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/09/15
This is an intense story. I appreciate it because it does open my eyes. It's easy for me to isolate myself in my purple-sky world. I think we need people to tell stories like this lest we forget.

My main red ink would be to intersperse more body language between thoughts and dialog. Put thoughts in italics so they stand out to the reader. (The second paragraph felt like thoughts to me.) Also, instead of giving the back story all at once, consider sprinkling it throughout the story. For example have the MC scan the hotel lobby for signs of trouble and then sprinkle thoughts or dialog with something like I can't be too careful especially since we know someone is looking for a member of my family. Things were good in Canada, but this is Belfast.

That was just a quick example, to show you what I mean. I think later on you did a great job of showing. The ending was brilliant. You did a great job of building the suspense. I didn't see the ending coming. That doesn't happen often to me and I love it when a gifted author manages to surprise me. You did just that. This is the type of story I could read several times and I think I'd enjoy it more each time.
Bonnie Bowden 
09/10/15
I am so grateful to see that you're writing again.

Even though Ireland is reunited, I'm sure there are times when the history repeats itself. Well-written.