Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: FAMILY VACATION (07/30/15)
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TITLE: I'd Do It Again | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lisa Hudson
08/04/15 -
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Now that our two oldest children are out of the house, our family vacations are down to three people, and usually last for only a couple of days. We try to find places to visit that all three of us might enjoy. A few years ago, we took a trip down to Georgia, specifically, Lake Lanier Resort. It is a beautiful place with plenty to see and do. We thought it would be nice to allow our son to invite a friend to come along, and it would also make it possible for my husband and me to find a little time for ourselves. I was excited to see there was so much for our son and his friend to do, so we thought we were guaranteed a wonderful vacation. It turned out to be very nice, and although not wonderful, it was memorable.
Around the same time as this trip, our youngest son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. He is highly functional, but his diagnosis is most apparent when it comes to expressing emotions, and his social skills are zip. He is learning that he has to work harder at greeting others or making eye contact as he continues to grow older, but it does make for a challenge when trying to read his thoughts.
We have known our son’s friend for years, and we already knew he could be quite shy. As it turned out, we weren’t aware of how shy he really was, until we brought him with us on our trip. If we had left it up to those two boys, they would have been content to sit in our hotel room and play video games the entire duration of our stay. It was all we could do to get them out of the room to go eat at the wonderful restaurants and buffets at our disposal. They would have preferred room service, but we insisted that we would at least eat together.
When we did finally get them to come for a drive with us, we tried to engage them in our search for fun activities that were available for two thirteen year old boys. Beautiful girls were everywhere, but no outward signs of interest from our cell phone yielding, dynamic duo. There were plenty of places to swim and there was a great water slide. There were arcade games galore, and we were completely open to their going horseback riding or going on the Zip Line. Not interested. My husband and I must have rolled our eyes at each other more times than I can count. Both of us vowed, “Never again.”
On our own again, the two of us took in the lovely scenery as we toured the grounds on a rented golf cart, and we even splurged and enjoyed some pampering in the resort spa. We weren’t going to let these little buggers ruin our vacation. Finally, we came across the one thing that surely even they would enjoy. We went to the river and rented a pontoon boat for a couple of hours. They seemed to like the idea well enough since we didn’t hear any complaints. This was a victory.
Everyone took their turn at the wheel, and although there were no outward signs of approval from either of our younger passengers, they seemed to be enjoying the ride in between their occasional glances up from their cell phones. Finally when it was my turn to drive, it seemed like minutes before I found all ‘three’ of the boys laid out on the seats of the boat, fast asleep. I couldn’t believe it. There I was, left by myself to enjoy this glorious sunny day, as we cruised over beautifully smooth water.
Moments later, I noticed a huge speeding boat coming our way. The waves from this thing were enormous. At first, I wanted to turn away from its’ path, so we wouldn’t get flipped by the waves, but then I looked at the three snoring trolls around me. I confess, my thoughts turned evil. With a ‘Grinch-like’ smile, I turned the boat head on into the waves. In an instant, we were up! Then we were down! Splash! The three soaking wet trolls woke up, completely startled, not knowing what had happened. They figured it out soon enough, when they saw me laughing hysterically as they frantically searched for their cell phones.
Ah yes, this was a vacation I will never forget.
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Well done.
God bless~
You may want to sprinkle details of the back story throughout the tale instead of telling it all at once in the beginning. For example, you could use dialog instead like this: After we settled into the hotel, my husband grinned and grabbed my hand. "Let's go for a moonlit walk."
Glancing at my son and his friend, I nibbled on my lip. "I don't know; the doctor just diagnosed Mike with Asperger's, and Ben is so shy and quiet. Do you think they'll be alright?"
I know I took liberties, but by adding dialog, showing emotions with body language, and giving the boys names, it helps pull the reader in and adds depth to the characters.
I think you did a wonderful job on the ending. Because of the limited word count, many writers struggle with the ending, but you handled it brilliantly. You left me with a huge smile. I really enjoyed your take on the topic too. All in all, this was a delightful read.