Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Trust and Obey (don't write about the song) (05/21/15)
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TITLE: The Blind Date | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jason Hubal
05/28/15 -
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For the several months she had a string of bad dates. One guy’s girlfriend marched to their table making a huge scene. His drink and a plate of penne pasta launched at him. Another date talked about his ex the entire time. Then there was the guy running to the bathroom every ten minutes.
Her roommate, Bev, came in from the kitchen, cradling a coffee cup. “Oh, honey, want to talk—”
“Another worthless, good for nothing, despicable man!” Gertrude, arms crossed paced frantically. “First of all, he was late. Then he couldn’t keep his eyes off that stupid phone. Watching some stupid football game.”
“How inconsiderate,” said Bev. “Come and sit.”
Gertrude plopped next to her. “I seem to be a magnet, attracting all the wrong men—they always seem great when they ask you out. Something must be wrong with me?”
“Nah, don’t say that,” Bev said hugging her shoulder. “Hey, you’ll find someone. Let’s forget about what’s his face, share some popcorn, and enjoy a movie.”
Gertrude finally smiled. “That sounds like a good idea.”
Halfway through the movie Bev said, “Keep the hope, girl. God will send you the man He has planned for you.”
“Oh, I know. I need to stay positive.”
On the other side of town, Logan uncharacteristically missed a shot on the billiards table.
“Hey, man, that was an easy shot,” said Logan’s buddy, Raul. “Too much English on the ball. Let the master show you how it’s done.” Raul chalked his cue, leaned across the table, and shot the ball in the pocket. Before long he cleared the board. “And that’s how it’s done, bro.” He racked up the balls. “I won two. How about four out of five?”
“I pass,” said Logan, taking a seat.
“Come on, bro. The night’s young.” He saw his friend’s glumness.
“It’s not the cue, it’s you. What’s eating at you?”
“Just something on my mind.”
“Are you still frustrated with breaking up with Sue?”
“Yeah. I thought things were running smoothly. I thought this was the girl God sent me. I’m not even sure where I went wrong.”
“Don’t waste any more energy on her. Take some time off—we both could use a little vacation. We’ll leave the woes of the city behind. Take our bikes up the hill and kick it with nature.”
“That sounds good.”
Over two months later, Bev told Gertrude, “Girl, you’re starting all that moping business again.”
“What, huh?” Gertrude looked at her dreamlike. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“Yeah you are a little melancholy, not yourself.”
“I’m wondering when God is going to bring the right man into my life.”
“Hey, I have a friend of a friend and her brother…”
“Oh no, I see where this is going. I don’t do blind dates. No.”
“Well, I don’t take no for an answer. You’re going and that’s that.” Bev grabbed her cell phone on the coffee table. “I’ll set it up.”
So the blind date was set up with a guy named Logan, a computer analyst. Gertrude had said no Italian or steakhouse restaurants; bad date memories. It was agreed, she’d meet Logan at the Greek restaurant. Bev said to look for the guy in maroon shirt and a fedora hat.
At the restaurant, Gertrude told the man seating her that she waited for Logan and relayed his description. She checked her watch. 6:57. Then it was 7 o’clock. At 7:02, she thought not again. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard, “We’ve been expected you, Logan.”
A shadow walked by her and a man sat across from her. Taking off his hat he greeted, “Hi, I’m Logan. Sorry I’m late, but a milk truck took its time. It’s nice to meet you.”
“I’m glad to meet you, too.”
“Hold on.” He took out his cell phone! He pressed a button and put it away. “I don’t want anybody to disturb us.”
They ordered their meals, comfortably talking into the evening. It’s like they knew each other for a long time.
“My last name is Trust,” Logan replied to her query.
“Mine is O-B-E-Y, but is pronounced O-BEE.”
A year later, Raul rang his wine glass. “I’ll make a toast to Logan Trust and Gertrude Obey. Trust and Obey (Though he pronounced it O-BAY) are good by themselves, but together they complement each other.”
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Try to use active lines as much as possible as it will paint more of a picture for the reader. For example:
One guy’s girlfriend marched to their table, screamed at him, and then picked up his plate of penne pasta and launched it at him.
You did a great idea of introducing the conflict and keeping the reader interested throughout. Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 20 overall! Happy Dance!