The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/19/15
I like this.

I would have expanded this a bit. I think you tried to tell too much in too few words. I would have taken ONE of those paragrahs and made it into the whole story. What about those worriers? Did they learn to surrender to God on the battlefield? What about the modern world? Tell us about a modern day surrender. And then, finally, what about your own life? What did you learn when you surrendered, and what the process look like for you? Take one bit of this and expand it, and I think your entry would be stronger.

Nice job. I loved the opening story about the warriors and want to know more!
05/21/15
Good thoughts in this. Thank you.