Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write something AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL (10/02/14)
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TITLE: I Will Still Praise You | Previous Challenge Entry
By Anne Warden
10/08/14 -
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An unbidden thought intruded, “If he doesn’t come home safely, what will you do?”
I gasped. Was something going to happen to Paul? My heart wobbled in alarm. I tried to take ‘deep, calming’ breaths. The effort was useless.
Doesn’t come home safely.
I couldn’t rid my mind of that phrase. Had God spoken? Or was Satan trying to instill fear? I shook myself. It couldn’t be Satan; he has no ability to hear unspoken thoughts. But why would God question me so?
As I paced, I pondered. What would I do if Paul was severely injured? Or . . . killed? I overturned every possible reaction should something bad happen to the man I love.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.” *
Job’s words crashed through my panic. The man must have been in shock to say such an idiotic thing. I could never be that understanding. Bless God’s name for allowing harm to my husband? I shook my head. Paul was all I had. He was my lifeline. Would our loving Father be so brazen as to throw me off a cliff without my lifeline? That idea troubled me.
Turning from the window, I set about my tasks for the evening. Job’s story, however, wouldn’t leave me alone.
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As the day wound down, I was tired from battling my fears. But I’d found my certainty by reading through the book of Job. God is trustworthy. Even when we can’t understand the bad circumstances of life, those things are always allowed for our ultimate good – to teach a priceless lesson, drawing us closer to our Creator. With confidence I answered aloud, “No matter what happens, Father, I will still praise You.”
Before midnight, I was back at the rain-streaked window, watching for Paul’s pickup. He was late. God’s question of earlier bombarded me. Now I had my own questions. When a vehicle finally appeared on the driveway, would it be Paul’s? Or that of a sheriff’s deputy? If a deputy, could I still praise God? Could I still believe in His providence? In His love? While I paced, I prayed in earnest for Paul . . . and for my own doubts.
Nearly an hour later lights pierced the dark drizzle. Hyperalert, I pressed my face to the window until I identified Paul’s truck. Exhaling loudly, I almost shouted, “Thank You, Lord.”
Holding the front door wide, I barely let my husband get through the opening before demanding, “What took you so long?”
“I was late leaving work.” He shrugged off his wet coat. “Then on the outskirts of Clear Lake, I realized I still had the two-way radio on my belt. So I turned around and went back. Thirty minutes later, I was again entering Clear Lake. This time the highway was blocked and an officer was detouring traffic down through the flats. He said there’d been an accident where Gunderson Road meets the highway.”
I frowned. “It must have been bad. They usually don’t detour traffic that far unless there are fatalities.”
Paul nodded and pulled me into a tight embrace. “Makes me wonder if I avoided being in that accident . . . by going back with the radio.”
A shiver bolted down my back.
God knew all along He’d keep my husband safe that night. His question of earlier had been a test. With my response, “No matter what, I will still praise You,” my resolve was firmly established.
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The incident changed my viewpoint. Paul is many valuable things to me, but it isn’t fair to expect him to be my lifeline. That’s God’s job.
Years later, in 2012, I was diagnosed with cancer. Though the disease and its treatment took us through an exhausting dance, not once did I take my eyes off my Father. That unwavering vein of faith now stands as solid bedrock beneath the quaking feet of my occasional fearful heart.
As long as I live, there will be many more times when I’ll need the bedrock. But I now know how to lean back into God’s cradling arms and simply relax.
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* Job 1:21b, NASB
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Great writing! Thank you for sharing this.
God bless you~
God bless~