Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Shhh. (02/18/10)
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TITLE: Breaking Free | Previous Challenge Entry
By nicole wian
02/19/10 -
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she says.
“I'm trying
to sleep.”
Shh?
How does she
know that word?
And when did she start
giving orders?
She is only two.
But daily her vocabulary enlarges.
And too, the understanding,
the usage of these words.
Who are you? I wonder,
as I watch her simulate
sleep.
I know she is not tired.
She never freely succumbs to sleep.
This new assertiveness is humorous
but surprising.
She is breaking free.
Free of me.
Stating in her small ways, “We will not always want the same things.”
It has not been so long since she
clung to me like she grew from
my hip.
If I
dared put her down
she would scream in protest.
Now the screams,
still of protest,
are sometimes when I pick her up.
Pick her up, because I long for her,
without her,
feel bare.
She toddles beyond my sight.
Cannot stay hushed when I search for her,
her stifled giggles
giving away her hiding spot.
She wars inside.
Who am I? she wonders.
Neither of us
seem to know whether
the other defines us.
I broke free the day she was born,
broke free of me,
became someone new, someone better, someone truly free
and yet – not.
But knowing her
shed me of selfish skin
I never needed.
What did I do for her?
Can I let her break free when my freedom chains my heart to hers?
Her breathing slows and now she really sleeps,
this child whom I don't yet know
and fear I never will.
I lay beside her,
holding only her tiny hand,
her body now too big to lay upon my chest.
I close my eyes
and we sleep this way,
together but not intertwined.
Are our dreams of one
another?
Who else does she
know yet to dream of?
Who else do I care of anymore to dream of?
Her whimpers break the peace,
the freedom of our sleep.
“Shh, shh,” I say,
and then smile,
remembering the way it sounded
coming from her lips just hours before.
I will teach her
and then she will break free.
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