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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Sightseeing (08/08/05)
If there were a prize for the orneriest resident of Bayside Manor, Ethel Winslow would win, hands down.

If Ethel wasn't complaining or griping or moaning, she was sleeping, plain and simple. And when her daughter, Beth, rang the specially installed extra loud buzzer on her door one gorgeous Autumn morning, she wasn't surprised to hear her mother call out, "Go away! Don't want any!"

Beth opened the door anyway and found her mom sitting in her favorite green recliner, staring out the big picture window.

"Hey, Ma, let's get you dressed. The Fall color tour's today," Beth said loudly.

Without glancing over, Ethel said, "I aint goin' on no dumb color tour. I'm tired."

"You can take a nap when you get home."

"Well, my foot's botherin' me again."

"You won't have to walk, you'll be sitting the whole time. Come on, Ma, you used to love the color tour."

"What? Speak up, would you?" Ethel looked over at her daughter.

Beth walked over and pulled an outfit from the closet. "I said, you used to love the color tour."

"Yeah, well, that was before my ears stopped working so good."

Beth bent down and lifted her mother from the chair. Ethel let out a string of curse words.

"Stop that, Ma."

"You'd swear too if you was me."

"You don't need to be able to hear great anyway. This is a sightseeing tour, remember?"

"Well I gotta hear the guide talkin' 'bout what I'm seein' don't I?"

"You're turning into a bitter old woman, ya know that?"

"Well I got lots to be bitter 'bout." Ethel pursed her lips and looked away.

Beth sighed. She knew it was pointless to argue. She continued helping her mother get dressed and then moved on to combing her hair. Ethel complained the whole time but didn't try to stop her.

When they reached the bus, Beth took her mother's arm. "Let me help you, Ma."

Ethel yanked her arm away. "You think I'm helpless or somthin'? I can do it myself."

Marty, the bus driver and tour guide, smiled knowingly. "Glad to see you, Ethel! It's been a while!" he said in a loud, booming voice.

Ethel scowled. "I aint got a choice. She dragged me here," she gave Beth a sideways glare.

"Well, I'm sure you'll enjoy the tour." Marty said, giving Beth a wink.

Ethel shuffled to the back of the bus. "Hopefully nobody will bother me back here," she said. "I don't want the window neither. I probably won't be lookin' anyway." Beth squeezed past her mother and sank into the seat by the window, and Ethel sat down next to her.

A few more climbed onto the bus and to Ethel's dismay, a woman she'd never seen before waving a giant stick on the floor in front of her made her way back and took the seat across the aisle.

Ethel gave the woman the once over and looked at Beth. "Can you believe that woman is on a sightseeing tour? She can't even see, for Pete's sake."

The woman looked over and smiled. "Hello, there. My name's Sarah. Sarah Miller." Her eyes stared past Ethel, who blatantly gawked. "Oh - and I'm blind, not deaf. I can hear what you're saying," she chuckled.

Ethel focused on the woman's mouth, making out the words she couldn't hear.

Beth reached over and took the woman's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Sarah. I'm Beth, and this is my mother, Ethel."

Sarah beamed. "I just love these tours, don't you?"

Ethel waved her hand in front of Sarah's eyes.

"Ma, cut it out," Beth whispered.

"I really am blind you know. You don't have to test me," Sarah said.

"Then how'd you know I was wavin' my hand?" Ethel demanded.

"I could feel the breeze against my face. Your hand smells like antiseptic."

Ethel put her hand to her nose and sniffed.

"So why are ya on a color tour when ya can't see?" Ethel asked bluntly.

Sarah closed her eyes. "You don't need to see with your eyes to enjoy God's creation. The heart can see all kinds of things the eyes can't. I meet people all the time who are more blind than I am."

Ethel looked out the window and saw something that wasn't so pretty. She saw her heart. So on the tour that day, she focused on seeing more than just her own problems.

And the colors had never been more gorgeous.
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This article has been read 1642 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
WENDY DECKER
08/15/05
I loved the story. The dialogue and the lesson flowed well. However, the end confused me. When you said, "Ethel looked out the window and saw something that wasn't so pretty, she saw her own heart." I know what you're trying to say, but for some reason that sentence didn't flow right for me. But over all, the story was terrific.(:
Leslie Lamb
08/15/05
I agree with the comment about that sentence, but I also really liked the piece. I thought it was very well thought out!
Debbie OConnor
08/16/05
Love it! This is a beautiful contrast of characters, right on topic and quite uplifting. Thanks!
Dixie Phillips
08/18/05
I loved this! I loved the line about seeing something that wasn't pretty.... She saw her heart. VERY INSIGHTFUL! Talk about an eye-opener! I'd say this story has HIS fingerprints all over it! With some conviction mixed in, too. May we all catch a glimpse of our heart when it's not so pretty and ask HIM to change our hearts! Loved every bite!
Beth Muehlhausen
08/19/05
A great dialogue and story with a touch of humor and a great lesson. "The heart can see all kinds of things the eyes can't. I meet people all the time who are more blind than I am." This is so true. Well crafted and compelling - good job.
darlene hight
08/19/05
I loved it! It started by grabbing me by the neck and pulling me in and held me the whole time. I thought the line about seeing her heart was great. A perfect way to bring in the conviction.
Shari Armstrong 
08/19/05
Wonderful!!! The characters were very well written.
Jan Ackerson
08/19/05
You have a nice knack for dialog, and for giving each of your characters distinct personality.
Pat Guy
08/19/05
Since you have such a gift for characters that enables the reader to get to "know" them, I'm curious about Ethel in the end. You also have a way of weaving poignant messages in your stories that make them a good read!
Joanne Malley
08/20/05
Lynda,
Great characterization! Could envision the old woman perfectly. Enjoyed the uniqueness of your story! Well done. :) Jo
Karen Schravemade
08/20/05
I enjoyed the clever dialogue and the message behind this story. Just a couple of things that I picked up: your story is written from Beth's point of view up until the line where you've written, "to Ethel's dismay, a woman she'd never seen before..."

It's best to avoid changing the POV midway through a story.

Also, I thought that the second last paragraph was quite abrupt. The body of the story establishes a sense of immediacy because of all the dialogue, so to suddenly switch to a sentence like: "So on the tour that day, she focused on seeing more than just her own problems" seems a slightly forced way of trying to resolve the story. However, this will always be a challenge with the restriction of a word limit.

Overall, I loved the story, especially the line, "I meet people all the time who are more blind than I am." Thanks for sharing.
Tammy Johnson
08/20/05
Enjoyed your story - I got a full picture of Ethel and the contrast of the blind woman. Nice job!
Crista Darr
08/21/05
Completely realistic dialogue in a great story. Besides the favorite line of Sarah, I also like this one: "Ethel complained the whole time but didn't try to stop her." You show a lot about Ethel here.
Suzanne R
08/26/05
What a great sightseeing tour of the different characters! Loved the picture in my imagination of Ethel waving her hand in front of Sarah's face!
Deborah Porter 
09/01/05
Lynda, I LOVED this entry. And I wanted to make sure you knew (even if a bit late) that the judges loved it too. You were just a breath away from being in the Editors' Choice. You came in at 9th place overall and there was virtually nothing between you and the 8th place winner. You are a talented, delightful writer. Keep them coming! Love, Deb (you know - the Challenge Coordinator... in case anyone else is wondering why I'm telling you all this - LOL!)