Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/10/08)
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TITLE: Stardust | Previous Challenge Entry
By Clint Loup
01/10/08 -
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She slowly made her way to the mouse hole where her friend, Catnip, lived. She called him Nip for short. He was a little brown mouse, and he always awoke early to read his Bible.
"How are you today?" asked Nip.
"Oh I'm alright", replied Star. "I just wish I had something exciting to do. I love God soooo much, but He never does anything interesting with me."
"Would you like to chase me for fun?" asked Nip.
"No, that wouldn't do. Besides, what would be the point?"
"Well, what about investigating the glow coming from the southwest bedroom?" suggested Nip in amazement.
Star ran over to the bedroom and looked inside. The mattress was alive with light! She crept in closer. The light seemed to come from a broken seam. Star opened her claws, and ripped away the stitching. All of a sudden she was engulfed in light. Yellow, blue, and green waves rushed passed her fur, as she sped through the time tunnel. And then, out she popped into the Amazon Rainforest.Then the tunnel closed, as quickly as it had opened.
Startled, she gathered her senses and said " I suppose this is what they mean when they say God has a sense of humor."
She began to walk through the rainforest. Eventually, she came upon a group of nine field mice who were making a pilgrimmage through the Amazon. The mice did not take notice of her at first. But, what Star noticed was the big, yellow Boa constrictor sliding up behind the mice.
She immediately burst into action! The field mice looked on in fright, as they thought Star was coming to devour them. But, she jumped right over the mice, and landed on top of the boa's head. She quickly latched on to it's jaws. The snake began to writhe violently, because it couldn't see beyond Star. It unkowingly headed toward the river with great speed. Star turned to see the mouth of a hungry crocodile open in hopes of getting a kitty as a snack. Star jumped off of the snake, and the boa plummeted headstrong into the crocodile's mouth. The croc's jaws clamped shut, beheading the snake.
The field mice cheered and thanked God for their hero. Star felt very good inside about what God had allowed her to do. Just then, the tunnel opened. Star found herself amongst the lights omce more. Then, all was silent. She was back home. Star ran over to the mouse hole, and told Nip all that happened. Nip noticed the bright sprinkles of dust in Star's fur that had fallen from the tunnel.
"You know", began Nip. " From now on, I think I will call you Stardust!"
THE END
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Be careful of using "it's" (it is) when you mean "its" possessive. An easy way to remember this: "his" and "hers" are possessive and have no apostrophe, neither should "its".
I'm a kitty fan, so this appealed to me, especially the friendship with the mouse.
I was unsure about the transition between Star being bored and the subsequent description of the light. Perhaps an extra line where the two animals notice the glow and then remark on it? Otherwise the continuity is a bit jerky.