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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Christian Baptism (10/18/07)
The heavens opened, a cold drizzle, like confetti falling, escaped from them. The cold wind blowing through the leafless, lifeless trees. A picture of my life, lifeless, cold, barren. Not much fanfare, not that I had expected much, followed us to the lake on that cold February afternoon.

“Are you ready son,” asked Bro. Dale, the new pastor at our Indian Church.

“Yes,” I replied looking back over my shoulder, hoping some of the members would come. My Mom and sisters had come, Ah-po had come too. Tears trickled down her little round face. “Yes I’m ready.”

Each step toward the lake filled my mind with thoughts. “Your not worthy, no one believes you. You’ve done this before.” Leaves cover the trail to the water, I stand at the edge of the lake and peer into the brown water. Bro. Dale, still in his preaching clothes, takes the first step in and stretches his hand out to me. I feel the cold mud between my toes as I step in. The water, so cold it takes my breath with every step. Waist deep we stop and turn toward my family.

“Son you understand that this is the first step of obedience in a new life.”

“Yes” I replied.

“You also understand that this does not remove your sin, but you have been forgiven. You also understand the you, nor I, am worthy of such forgiveness, but by God’s grace, He has given you life. For you were dead in sin, yet you now live. Do you understand that no one can take that from you.”

“Yes.”

“Then I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.”

The cold water engulfs me.

“The old man buried.”

My heart pounding from the intense cold.

“ A new creature raised up.”

I gasp for air, my lungs about to burst.

“Walk in the newness of life.”

My body absorbs the warmth of the now flowing tears. A new creature, a new life.

“Son,” Bro. Dale says softly, “I now call you Brother. Walk with me.”
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This article has been read 927 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
10/26/07
I liked the Indian aspect of this, and would have liked to see it reflect Indian culture even more.

Be careful of tense shifts and word choice (your / you're).

I also liked the fact that you wrote about one tiny, discrete moment in time. Very effective.
Seema Bagai 
10/27/07
I enjoyed reading this piece. It left me wanting to know more about the characters and the time and place.
Sara Harricharan
10/29/07
This gave me goosebumps! I see a much bigger story here. Wish there was more to read. It was so neat. Especially the single sentences, they carried more impact. Good job. ^_^
Verna Mull
05/06/09
What a fantastic description of a precious time in your life. My baptism was a very real experience also. Not that I never strayed, but it was a time I will never forget, and God is SO GOOD.(all the time!)