The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/07
Restructure this so that there are spaces between paragraphs, and have someone proof it for minor errors. Also, introducing a name without explanation confuses the reader. I think you have something to say there, and posed somewhat better it might gain readership.
08/24/07
I agree with Dub — a little work here and you'd have a great piece. Consistency in pronouns like "one," "you," and "we," would help too. Choose one of those and stick with it throughout. Good message.
Your thoughts in the piece, that will make a very good devotional.
You have something important to say here and I agree with other comments it is well worth a good tweak and a polish.