Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)
-
TITLE: When The Earth Is Without Shape | Previous Challenge Entry
By iziegbe idemudia
07/05/07 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Rumblings on a dark starless sea
In the dark mist
The lit eye of an hidden cove
Winds with countless arms
Obeisanced at the taloned Feet
Part in life and death
Diamond sparkles flee from an emerging root
Distinct strands from the ashes
As an unbending will split all asunder
And it rained
The sea swollen, broke
Brown with life.
II
When the wheel is travailed
Wisdom wrought perforations in the watery mass
Knowledge kneads desires of the knotty mass
Seeds of the sands,
From the pervading waves
Uneven fingers that vie
How many lie caught
In swirling nebular clouds
Leaves wailing in the winds
Phantom solitude
Of ripped branches
Of surfing roots
Let that pall recede
For the searing eye of the soul
For the rumbling spring breath
Builders of mountains
Within lighted fury
From the grain divine
Dust that crumble before dust
III
How will I raise my voice unto You
Jewel of the blind night
That I will stand here and make flex of my tongue
O eternal praises of your endless Faces
My heart like green fronds
Lie pliant to your tread
Ancient Cave of the winds
Of the fertile black sea
Of the immortal fires
Stony Arms
That Knocked ashes off the dream
To you my fragile arms are raised
Soiled from the murk of the mire
Gory mire of the tender cleavage
When I closed the door
With thirsty hands
Your heart horned by my tears
Cleaved the wandering soul;
Weathered sculpture of raw veins,
And breath fumes from the ruins there of
Clay and brass of the mystery mess
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
...but I'm sorry to say that I didn't understand it. I enjoyed it for its poetic language, but I guess it was too deep for me?
Maybe some more closure in the third part, to tie in with the title. You're definitely a talented poet!
Would love to see the poem reworked, when it has lived with you a little while.
Some focus on major themes and careful "tying in" of metaphors would give it clarity and strength of meaning.
Maybe two poems inside this one????
So, I plan to read and re-read this until I can make enough sense out of it to write a decent critique. Be Patient, please, I shall return. Thanks.