The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/26/07
This story has some strengths and some weaknesses. Making it all dialogue (except for Ted's internal voice) made it active and put us right there. However, with that strength came a weakness. It was hard to keep track of who was speaking. I had to actually print this story out to make sure the point of view was consistent. (Just a little extra service I do...Ha!) You were consistent. It was always Ted's internal voice. It was just hard to keep the men straight as their bragging was about the same. HILARIOUS, though. There was brilliance in this piece. Very funny, two men trying to outdo each other. That could NEVER happen in real life! My husband has a friend like this, but he just listens and compliments him. Drives me crazy! I had a little trouble with the introduction: these men seemed to meet by chance, then, in the end, they plan to meet again the next week, like always. I understand the point you're trying to make, but I think you should have done it, setting it up, not by chance. It would have packed the same punch. Although the title caught me, I'd like to see something that was more inclusive of Ted the Liar, too! Also, the quote at the end was confusing. It took awhile to sort out who said each of the quotes about the denominations. In any case, with just a little bit of fix up and a few grammatical errors patched, I think you have a wonderfully funny story!
I agree. Also Baptist and Methodist should both be plural. This is really hilarious though and, with a few changes for clarifiction, will be a great humor story.