Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: DEVOTED (02/04/21)
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TITLE: When You Lifted The Weight | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janice S Ramkissoon
02/11/21 -
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When you lifted the emotional weight it didn’t happen the way I expected it. Well, I don’t know what I expected but I knew I would know it when it happened. I don’t know why I thought it would happen at the altar or sitting in the pew. Maybe I was just too pre-occupied with how and when I would receive the healing.
I was so desperate to get unstuck I began to look at the people in the church thinking it would come through them or the preacher from the pulpit. When I was asked to join the choir I thought surely it would happen through fellowshipping with the Saints as I ministered through songs or through our small group meetings. Maybe I would develop a great relationship with someone and they wouldn’t mind me venting but would gently help me to unload the chaotic state of mind and help me put the pieces together.
I was a product of the church’s teaching why would I not benefit from through the service they provide! I had every reason to believe they would come through for me. The praise team would eventually sing songs that would minister to my brokenness; the preacher would eventually get round to teaching Bible principles on relationships—how to do life! How to have healthy relationships so that I would know how to deal with conflicts not just in my relationships within the church but in my marriage, parenting, at work and in my community.
Decades had passed yet I was still with unanswered questions and unresolved issues and I wanted to know where the church had gone wrong? Yet I never thought of coming to You with my frustrations. I held them close to my heart. I hurt for the hurting around me. I wondered what I could do to help and I cried when there seemed no where to turn. I asked often: “Why were we so disconnected from the truth when the same Bible tells us that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and that Jesus came to give us life in abundance?” I reasoned: “The Bible also tells us that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us so surely I would be taught by His followers how to navigate the world of marriage, parenting and the main thing I struggled with—dealing with conflict.”
I was excited for what You were about to do in my life. From healing broken relationships to maintenance of other close relationships. But I didn’t turn to You. I allowed fear to cripple me and even when I became stuck I still didn’t come to You. Why did I get so angry with Your followers instead of coming to You with my frustrations?
Father, now I see how wrong I was—trying to do it in my own strength. I can now see that I was struggling because I hadn’t truly let go of the pain and the hurt of the ineffective way I was being led. Without knowledge, I held onto that resentment without the understanding of how damaging it was to my mind, emotions and my relationship with You.
Please forgive me! I surrender it all to you. Please take the weight and grant me the desire of my heart for deeper relationship with You.
You placed me where You knew I would have the right experience to successfully carry out the plans You had for me. Thank You for teaching me by Your Word and by Your Holy Spirit leading me into all truths. Thank you for making me aware that my parents do love me and making me aware that while grew up resenting them for not being in my life, they did love me and just didn’t know how to show.
I wondered, is that the case with my church family and even my heart’s ponder, You chose to respond to in making me aware that “my experience with the local church is similar to my experience with my biological family...” I recognised then that, the response was the same: “Your parents did love you. They just didn’t know how to show it.” It was at that point the weight was lifted, allowing me to see my church family through the eyes of Your Son Jesus Christ.
Thank You for loving me!
Your Devoted Child.
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