Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: REFLECTION (10/10/19)
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TITLE: Conflict | Previous Challenge Entry
By Arlene Baker
10/17/19 -
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“I can’t,” I whimpered. “Can’t.”
You’re a daughter of the Most High. My daughter. Look into your Father’s eyes.
I shook my head.
Do it. I heard the urgency in his silent dialog but squeezed my eyes closed.
Tight.
The relentless voice stilled.
I wept.
He waited.
My stomach churned as thoughts roiled.
I’m worthless. Sinner extraordinaire. Too bad for God to forgive.
I slumped to the ground and pressed my face into the damp grass.
Dew or tears?
Minutes passed.
Hours?
I obsessed over my every imperfection.
He waited.
My bones ached. I wanted to rise but could not.
“Are you still there, Lord?”
Are you finished?
“Finished?” I gasped. “With what?”
Self-pity.
What?
Anger constricted my throat.
I’ve been telling him how unworthy I am of his forgiveness and now he accuses me of self-pity? How …
You’ve convinced yourself that you are beyond redemption of some gross sin. I’m telling you that you’re arrogant.
Arrogant!
I sat up, both hands balled into fists by my side. “You can’t be serious.” I scowled as I threw down the challenge. “You are accusing me of arrogance?”
Yes.
“How could you…”
He waited.
Irritation grew along with his silence.
Doesn’t he know what I’ve done? Arrogant? How dare he?
Thunderous quiet.
Thoughts tumbled, came to the fore, retreated. Fury dissolved as truth slammed deep into my spirit. I bowed my head and sobbed.
“I’m trying to tell you, my Everlasting Father, that I’ve out-sinned your love, that there’s no hope for me because the Blood of Jesus is inadequate.”
Tears flowed, unchecked.
“God ... Lord ... Father, I’m so sorry. It doesn’t matter what I think, your truth trumps my thoughts.”
I inhaled deep.
“If you say I’m forgiven, I’m forgiven.
If you say I’m worthy, I’m worthy.
If you say I’m lovable, I’m lovable.”
I sank back to the earth and wept for joy as truth released my heart.
Child look into my eyes and tell me what you see.
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Blessings~
Conversing with the Master!
Thanks.