The Official Writing Challenge
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An interesting story.
Is this your own true story? It's cute. You may have a better chance at being in the winners' list in the beginners' or intermediate section, as the competition in advanced is brutal.
Good idea for a story. Be sure to punctuate sentences correctly and use full quotation marks, as well as let the reader know who is speaking. Then the reader won't get confused and your message will come across better!
This is a cute story. You've created realistic dialogue and a character and situation we can identify with. To make it more readable and competitive at this level you need to work on how you set out the dialogue and sustain the dramatic tension through to the end.