Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ANNOYED (04/05/18)
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TITLE: A Brother's Plea | Previous Challenge Entry
By Katy Foster
04/12/18 -
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“I’m afraid not,” they annually answered.
My parents never traveled to Jerusalem for Passover. Other families invited me, but no one invited Chaya. She was a nuisance and in the way. Consequently, I would stay home, too.
She often irritated me. She got in the way of everything, breaking this, dropping that, leaving a mess, and speaking up when uncalled for.
Nonetheless, my love for her always abounded, beclouding my recurring frustration every time.
Chaya was different enough to be rejected. She walked differently, thought differently, and expressed herself differently. A cringing expression of just her presence was a normal response from most others. She wasn’t inept, yet she was viewed as such. I knew that she just thought deeper, even wiser in many instances. For many years, she didn’t even notice that she was ostracized and devalued.
Always in the way.
When the realization set in, Chaya taught herself to stay quiet and out of the way, setting aside acceptance and love.
With a sunken heart, I defended her until I moved on with my own life, starting my own family. Chaya lived with our parents until they both died.
Surprisingly (I’ll admit), she married, and I personally felt that she deserved even better in a husband. I just feared he did not appreciate her, as most other people didn’t. However, Chaya’s husband was a good man, God-fearing and loving.
They had a son, and Chaya was overjoyed. I was so proud for her. How grateful I was to God for giving her a home of love. She doted over her son. Our families traveled together every year to Passover, and her son adored his mother. Although she remained quiet and out of people’s way, everything was a blessing for Chaya.
Then, her husband died.
Chaya’s rolled-over shoulders humped over even more. She hung her face of pain even lower. Few in town stopped to console her. She was still perceived as unimportant by most. Her grief and pain were avoided and uncared for, by all but her son.
He was a good boy, and grew into a handsome, charismatic young man with many admirers. Along with his wit, intelligence, and wisdom, he loved his mom. Chaya beamed in humility.
Then, unexpectantly, this beloved son breathed no more.
A relentless darkness pounded on Chaya. A heavy despair ached in my chest.
Dear God, what did she ever do wrong? Why? The only thing left on earth to love her, to see her worth as You do. . . Gone. She’s alone. God, please, just heal her. Please. Heal my sister.
The mourning community of admirers prepared a funeral service for him. Chaya stood motionless, trying to stay out of everyone’s way.
“It hurts,” she managed.
“Chaya,…” I had no idea how to comfort her. . I held her by the arm as we followed the cot carrying her son. She began to weep loudly.
“God, You’re all I have! I love You, but I miss my son!” she wept out her prayer.
It became difficult to move her along. She was so broken. A group of men stopped as we passed the gate.
Then, I felt a lightness, as if a hand reached out to catch Chaya’s falling hope.
The man standing there was Jesus. We were blocking His path, and He stopped, staring at Chaya.
“I’m in the way,” I heard Chaya whisper.
In a shared despair, Jesus told her, “Please don’t cry.”
I don’t know how to explain it, but I saw Chaya breathe in hope.
Her lips began to stagger out incoherently, gasping. She finally tried to shout, yet a whisper stretched to Him, “You’re all that I need!”
He turned His head toward her dead son, and stepped toward him, holding out His hand, and touching the cot. As I gazed upon His face, I could see something in His eyes, and I knew that He felt her pain, and I knew that His love for her son was greater than even Chaya’s.
“Young man, I say to you, arise.”
My nephew sat up. A miracle!
Thank You, God!
“Jesus! . . . I think. . . my mother. . . ”
“You mean the lady over there,” Jesus smiled, “the one that got in My way?”
He is forever our way, our truth, our life, all because Chaya kept getting in the way.
Based on Luke 7:11-17.
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I don't know how "lips stagger," but I love that she got in Jesus' "way."
Blessings~
That's just a quick example to show you what I mean. I'm sure you could paint an even better picture by adding more dialog, body language, and thoughts. I noticed you did do it more in the end, and that really picked up the pace for me.
You did a great job if writing on topic. I also wasn't sure where you were going, so the ending was a delightful surprise. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.