Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)
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TITLE: Freedom | Previous Challenge Entry
By Spencer Whalley
01/09/06 -
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What does it mean and what does it do
When you escape the lie and believe in the truth
Dropping old ways, moving the posts
Following a path facing you moods
The trap has been sprung
The bolt pulled back, the stable door open, no turning back
Released to be free, spreading the words growing like the bough of a tree
I used to believe in nothing apart from my self, what I could get
Not a care in the world or for fellow kin
I was stuck in a room, in a space
Selfish and centred on greed
Stealing and bleeding resources I did not use or need
Faithful only to myself and sin
Following like a sheep, to be in with the crowd
But I was blind, following, to what end, on my own, fast asleep
Escaping into a new day, woke me up, shook me down
Finding a peace I had never known, meeting the Sprit for the first time
Knowing He had been there through rain and shine
Finding the door that opened to light
Breaking out, restricting chains broken and loose
The flight to Christ glidingly free
This is the real met
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If you re-work this, consider using less metaphors. You chose each one effectively, but there are so many that the reader has to switch from one comparison to the next fairly rapidly.
Your poetic choices were good--the line spacing, the "voice" of the piece. A very nice free verse.