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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: CALENDAR (10/20/16)
If days were ruled by me and not the sun or moon,
My pen would tell the sun to rise
Full brightness not too soon--
Just enough to paint the skies.

A paragraph would end
Just as the moon arrived.
And stars would illuminate
My words.

“Autumn” would tell the leaves to fall.
And “crunch” would always follow.
And “crisp” and “fresh”, but
Never “humid”.
Never, never humid.

Oh, the stories I would write,
When I bid winter come.
Of snow that glows
And magnifies
The glory of the Son.

Of warmth of fire
And warmth of soul.
A knowledge deep inside.
A glow that makes the coldest days
Unforgettable.

Spring would wash away
The words
That surely grow again.
Then summer would cement
Them there
With warmth on page
And skin.

Ah, but the One who holds
The Pen
Is cleverer then I.
My selfish pen,
Though good in thought,
Does wander by and by.

He makes the sun to shine on all,
And sends revealing rain.
That washes all my words away.
Alas, the guilty stain!

Then writes His own
Upon my guilt.
Upon my guilty stain
He writes.

“You are mine.

“I am your sun, your rain, your glow.
The breeze the cools your
Tear stained face.
The wonder in the snow.

“I am your warmth
On winter days.
I am the Word.
I am the Way.


“Just trust my pen.
Trust in the days
That I will write for you.
Trust in the Word--
My story’s best.

“And trust the ending too.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/02/16
Even though poetry is not my strongest or most favorite genre, I really liked this. I'm tone deaf, so not an expert on rhythm but most lines seemed to flow to my ears. There were a couple were it may have been off tempo a bit, but I'm not positive. I think the idea behind the poem is pure artistic genius. It's so clever to link writing with the seasons. It really resonated in my heart and I found myself tearing up at times.

I did notice a few tiny things like cleverer sounds odd to me. I'd say more clever, but I looked it up to be sure and both are deemed acceptable. It should be than not then though.
Also tear-stained face needs a hyphen because you are connecting the two words to make one adjective.

I think the ending is powerful, and I can easily hear God speaking those words to me. You've really touched my heart. I think you wrote on topic in a fresh and interesting way. Your message is subtle, yet once it sinks in, it's powerful. We so want to be in control, but God does such a wonderful job. We need to give him our pens. Great writing.
Ellen Carr 
11/03/16
Congratulations Wendy on your EC which is well deserved for this lovely poem. I found it moving and well crafted.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/04/16
Congratulations! Happy Dance!
Helen Dowd
11/07/16
Congratulations, Wendy, for 2nd place winner. I like and write poetry. Yours is clever and different. As another has pointed out--a few small errors. But as any writer knows, it is easy to have "eye pass-overs" in your own writing. We concentrate on the message first. Details often take a minor roll...Anyway, I like your poem...Blessings, Helen
Bea Edwards 
11/29/16
This is one of my favorite pieces of poetry I've had the honor of reading on the site. There were a few minor flaws which is why you may not have ranked even higher in the EC.
Congratulations are still in order! Well done, perhaps just proof one more time...

Bonnie Bowden 
12/08/16
Congratulations, Wendy, on winning an EC award on this well crafted piece of poetry. I was so engrossed in the power of your words that I didn't even notice the tiny errors mentioned before me.