Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: CALL (01/14/16)
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TITLE: For Jen | Previous Challenge Entry
By Michol Ludwig
01/21/16 -
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I confess, I am relieved the nights the phone is silent. For a while, especially through the holidays, it was call after call from people suffering with depression and suicidal thoughts. My training has prepared me to handle such situations; however, it has not prepared me for the emotional toll it is taking on me. When I answer the phone, I trust that the Holy Spirit will lead me to handle the crisis according to his direction, and not mine. The problem is, there is rarely a way to know for certain if I have made a lasting difference in the caller’s life, and I want my work to matter.
Settling in at my desk, I begin to read through my emails when I’m interrupted by a knock on my door. I turn from my desk and half-heartedly smile at my coworker.
“Hi Molly, what’s up?”
“I wanted to check in with you before I leave.” Sitting down in the chair next to my desk she continues, “I am worried about you Jen. You used to arrive early and we would have time to catch up with each other. You have been coming in later and later recently, and you just don’t seem like your old self.” A tear slips down my cheek as she places her hand on my forearm. “Is everything OK?”
She hands me a tissue. “I am burned out.” Dabbing my eyes, “Sometimes it is really hard, especially during the holidays, when we have so many more calls from desperate people. I hate not knowing if I am making a difference.”
Giving me a reassuring squeeze, Molly reminds me that because of the anonymity of our profession, we may never know how many people we have had a positive impact on, and we have to trust that as we yield to the power of the Holy Spirit, he will use us.
“I miss our time together Molly,” I try smiling brighter. “Would you keep me in your prayers? I know this is where God has called me; I don’t want to fail him.”
Taking my hands in hers, she says, “Let’s pray right now.”
Closing my eyes, I listen. “Heavenly Father, I lift Jen up to you. She is growing weary and needs a fresh breath from the Holy Spirit to do the work you have called her to. Help her to know that she is making a difference in each person who reaches out to our ministry; in Jesus’ name.”
“Amen,” we say in unison.
Wiping more tears, both of us requiring a tissue this time, we hug and Molly reminds me that she is only a phone call away.
I return to my emails and a hot cup of coffee. Scrolling down, one in particular catches my attention. It was forwarded to me from my boss, and the subject line says, “For Jen.” I open it and read.
“I hope that this email reaches the woman who helped me last year when I was struggling with suicide. She said that her name was Jen.” Emotion welling, I continue to read. “When I called your hotline, I had a bottle of pills in hand; I was ready to end my life. If it were not for the grace of God, and an opportunity to talk through my troubles with someone willing to listen to me, and not judge me, I know I wouldn’t be writing this today.”
I pause, leaning back in my chair. Thank you God; your timing is always perfect. Regaining my composure, I finish the email. “I wasn’t a Christian when I called. In fact, I pretty much hated God for everything I believed he was making me go through. But then Jen spoke of a love that could draw me out of my darkness, and something in my spirit stirred... I am so thankful for her being available to me that night. Please make sure that she knows she is making a difference.”
Sliding from my chair to the floor, I pray, “Lord, thank you for that email. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Already I am feeling your strength return to me, preparing me to answer the next call.”
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I have a relative who runs the main suicide hotline for the country, based in Nebraska. You are in the battle to save lives. You are in the trenches. God bless you my friend. Keep up the great work the Lord has called you to. And keep writing.
God Bless~
God Bless~