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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ZEST (10/01/15)
The five children were happy, with an enthusiastic zest for their new life. They were jumping waves and boogie boarding in the surf. This zest for their new life came from freedom. Freedom from emotional and physical abuse at the hands of their father.

No longer were they living in a threatening environment and they thrived. They shone, they laughed, they played. They were happy even though they and their mum were crammed into two bedrooms in our seaside home.

Our daughter had been in an abusive marriage for 17 years, she has five children that have mental health issues because of the violence they have experienced from their father.

For years she thought it was all her fault, that there was something wrong with her and the children that caused the anger and violence. That is, until he was diagnosed with PTSD from his years in the army serving overseas; starting with East Timor, then Bougainville. It was then that she realised it was not her fault and she started to take control of her life again.

Three years of counselling and courses had not changed him, in fact he was getting worse in his abuse and behaviour. This man is a highly intelligent medical doctor at a major hospital. He should know better. To outsiders he is kind, helpful and would bend over backwards to help another human being.

It all came to a head when she discovered her 13 year old was cutting, her 12 year old was also self harming. The younger children started wetting the bed again and having panic attacks. It was time to do something. A brochure at the local library on Domestic and Family Violence convinced her that she was a victim...

‘Go immediately and get the children out of school,’ Patrick the policeman said on the phone in response to our urgent phone call. We will do foot patrols around the hotel all night and escort you to the ship tomorrow.’

My daughter and my husband had spent hours with the police the day before, they wanted her to take out a Family Violence Order then, but she hesitated, she did not want to ruin her husband’s career. The police said they now had enough on her husband that ‘they would know when he passed wind’. All she had to do was do the paperwork.

She had planned to ‘do a runner’, catch a plane with the children during school hours and flee to our home in Inverloch. A call to the Women’s Legal Service told her that State Law does not allow this, she needs relocation permission. He husband would have been able to get a court order to have her forcibly brought back. Her lawyer told her to take the children for a months holiday and hope that her husband would sign permission for her to relocate.

We took the car over and spent a couple of days with the family first; we saw the distress and nervousness of the children when their father was around. This had escalated since we last visited in January. Removing $10,000 from the bank account set off an alarm on her husband’s phone and he called to ask why. She told him everything he needed to know was on the kitchen table. She had left a letter from her lawyer, one from herself and one from us.

By the time he got home we were all safe in a hotel with police protection. He ended up at Heidelberg Repat in the Psych ward.
The children felt the love of their grandparents and extended family. The cutting stopped, as did the bedwetting, the panic attacks and the meltdowns. Our daughter’s eyes are bright and clear once again, there was hope for the future.

He did not consent to the relocation so the family had go back. They went home on the ship last night, mother, 5 children, 2 bunnies and 1 cat.

A Family Violence order will give them police protection while she applies through the Family Court for a relocation permit.

In the meantime they will be able to say a proper goodbye to their school friends and spend the last term at their school. This will help with the transition as they were traumatised by the suddenness of the previous departure. They have a new life full of zest and happiness to look forward to.

One in six families are living with violence. This is Australia’s shameful secret.
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This article has been read 760 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Francie Snell 
10/08/15
This is a powerful story. You're beginning is great however, you used the topic word zest twice in the first paragraph and again at the end. You've written this well telling a very difficult story. So many times things like this sadly go untold. You have a wonderful voice for writing. Thank you for sharing.
Lois Lewis
10/08/15
I'm glad for the bright future. Sad this sort of thing happens so often. You know when people get married, they don't plan for their lives to turn out this way. Thanks for sharing. Best of luck in the Challenge!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/09/15
This is a powerful story and I would guess it's based on real life. It's so important to write and talk about these issues so that people are aware and know what to look for.

Your story is pretty much all telling. I'd urge you to mix it up some and add some dialog and body language. Because you started off with the kids, I had trouble figuring out who the MC was right off. You could fix that too with more showing. For example, I might edit it something like this:
My daughter and I sat on the porch watching her five kids play in the waves. Pointing at them, I put my other hand into my daughter's. "It's nice to hear them laugh and jump in the waves. They know their father can't hurt them here."
My daughter's eyes filled with tears. "I can't believe it got this bad. If I hadn't seen Sue cuttung--" She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

That isn't perfect, but I hope it shows a way to gradually add details that are important while painting a picture for the reader.

You did a nice job of working on the conflict right out of the box. Jan's Writing Basics in the forums has a great lesson right now on conflict. There is definitely a couple of conflicts in this piece. Some were resolved and some left open ended. I like stories that end like this. It allows the reader to end the story the way God guides her. This type of story is perfect for allowing the Holy Spirit to work in everyone who reads it. I've no doubt that God has plans for this storystory. It will touch people in many ways, ways you might not even expect. Perhaps the Spirit will open the eyes of a husband who will get help after reading this. I know this couldn't have been easy to write, but you did a great job of it.
C D Swanson 
10/10/15
This was such a powerful and moving entry in content and delivery. Excellent job, thank you for sharing this with us.

God bless~
Robyn Harbour
10/10/15
Shann hall thanks for your comments, there is no fiction in this story, the family returned the night before I wrote it, I was still feeling raw. We are praying that relocation permission will be given and they will return to us soon.