Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: LUST (all-consuming desire; excessive craving) (01/08/15)
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TITLE: Am I ready? | Previous Challenge Entry
By alan kane
01/15/15 -
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Hearing the taxi arrive I ensure the door is securely locked behind me, then board the taxi. To calm myself down I start evaluating my life. I am a freelance I.T. consultant and work from home. My whole life is lived online. All my recent girlfriends were online relationships. If I could permanently live in cyberspace I would; in there, I know the rules.
When I was a teenager I used to spend plenty of time in the real world, even attending church with my family. But when I was nineteen and my final year of college I was rejected by a girl I really fancied and I recoiled and started to withdraw from people. Since then, I have not trusted relationships. That was ten years ago and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have dated since then or even went to social activities.
Karen is the girl I am due to rondezvue with for a sexual encounter that i met on a chat site. We got on really well. We have seen each other online and enjoyed cyber sex. When I told Karen that I am a thirty year old virgin, she got excited about making a man of me. I never really thought having sex was all about being a man, but more to do with self-gratification and lust. On the webcams it was all about lust, plain and simple. I got off on watching others and playing with myself to stimulate a physical and emotional reaction.
Today will be different. I kind of like Karen, we are friends in a cyber-sense. I just want to find out if the real thing is any better than my thoughts.
Sitting in the taxi, driving to 106 Main Street, my smart phone starts to vibrate. It's Karen with lewd emails about what she wants to do to me. My pulse is racing, O what I will do with Karen... I let my imagination get me all excited.
Another email with a few steamy pictures one of her wearing sexy, revealing lingerie and a comment, ' waiting to remove this for you'.
‘Should be there in thirty minutes,’ I reply.
After tonight, I will no longer be a virgin. It's so going to be special. Maybe Karen will want to settle down with me. We could even live together, maybe even have children. Get a nice home and a dog. This is so going to be perfect. I hope she does not mind that I have no experience in pleasing a woman. How hard can it be? I am sure we can learn together. We have so much in common...
Looking out the window, I see a Salvation Army soldier giving out some soup to a homeless man. This triggers memories of my youth and the life I used to live.
A ping brings me back to the present as another email arrives, this time informing me that she has lit some incense candles.
Karen - who is Karen? I mean, I know her statistics but who is she really? I ponder this question for some time, trying to decide. The answer is nothing more than just physical and sexual desire.
I remember back to my youth something about a soul tie, and how absolutely dangerous they are when not created within marriage.
Five minutes and I should arrive at Karen’s but is she ready to settle down with me or is she just wanting some fun? Was she like me just enjoying participating in lust and personal gratification or does she want something more.
I fire her a quick email, asking what she wants out of tonight.
She replies she just wants some fun under the sheets.
One minute till I arrive at Karen’s. I do not feel so happy about the prospect of tonight: I want a relationship, commitment and LOVE
As we pull up outside Karen’s, I send her one final email. Sorry, but it's not for me. Reality is not the same as pretend.
Driver! Take me to the soup kitchen we passed earlier.
I want to chat with that Christian about my future.
Authors note: This article is totally fictitious and does not represent any true characters.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This was an excellent read and completely on topic and presented in a realistic fashion. This is a timely and excellent reminder to those who are involved in relationships such as these.
Well done, and I loved the ending. Love happy endings!!
Great job with this.
God bless~
Great job. Thanks for sharing.
Could I suggest the revelation arriving via a sudden voice from the past breaking through into your MC's mindset...
So glad this had a good ending. I think if you put a little more emphasis on his knowing what he was doing was wrong, according to his upbringing, would have made it more believable. Great job though. Blessings, LaVonne
I noticed some stuff that wasn't essential to the story that might bog the reader down some. If you feel like they are needed, use them to show the emotional state of the MC. For example this line:
Hearing the taxi arrive I ensure the door is securely locked behind me, then board the taxi.
could be changed into this:
When I heard the taxi arrive, tremors attacked my arms, making me drop my keys as I tried to lock the door. Climbing into the cab, I refused to look the driver in the eyes. Man, somehow he knows what I'm going to do tonight. He's looking at me with disapproval. The driver cleared his throat, "C'mon, buddy, where to?"
Exhaling, my tension momentarily released, I announced the address.
I took some liberties, but by using thoughts and dialog, you can show the reader the emotional state while still moving the story onward.
I found myself rooting for your MC. When he started dreaming about marrying this girl, I wanted to scream, "Turn around!" I think you did a fine job of wrapping the story up too. The ending was perfect. You did a great job of building the suspense until the end. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your very competitive level. Happy Dance!