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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Day and Night (07/10/14)
Two men sat at the cafe table eating and discussing. The larger of the two men with bright red hair and a red beard to match was Buck O'connell. The other was Stitch Williams a rough cut male sporting long auburn hair and a handlebar mustache with a deaths-head skull tattoo on the side of his neck that went along with the scars on his face. Both men wore jeans and flannel shirts that, along with their shoes, said blue collar. The haggard faces on these men betrayed a tough lifestyle. Their coarse discussion concerned the man sitting on the opposite side of the cafe. Their long glares or semi-stares were concealed by the usual weekday lunchtime overcrowding at this popular working-man's hangout.

The point of their discussion wore his hair closely cropped. His face was clean shaven. Clothes...similar to the men discussing him but clean and smartly pressed. He was a tall and powerful looking man with a dagger tattoo on his left cheek that seemed out of place. Seated opposite him at the table was a uniformed policeman. both men being very engaged, their discussion gave the impression of a friendship. The man discussed was a former running buddy by the name of John, Gunner, Richardson.

"Buck, that's Gunner, ain't it?"

"Yeah, rumors are true. He's cleaned up his act and hangin' around cops, Stitch. That ain't even good. What a two-face. He'll make sure not to talk to us with that cop around."

As the two men talked, Gunner and the policeman paid their bills and stood to leave. At this moment, Gunner noticed his two old cronies sitting there. He said something to the policeman and made his way toward the old friends.

As they arrived at the table, Gunner turned toward the policeman, Bill Chalmers, saying, "Bill, I would like you to meet two good friends of mine."

Introductions having been made, Buck said with a smirk, "Ain't you the clean one. Where you been hidin' yourself?"

With a big smile, Gunner replied, "Oh, yeah...the clothes. I have a great wife that makes sure I'm starched and pressed when I leave home every morning. She is one of two people making a tremendous difference in my life. The second person is Jesus Christ. He has given me the gift of forgiveness and unconditional love."

Buck and Stitch stared wide-eyed at one another. Finally, Stitch managed to get out, "God? You went religious on us? You gotta be kiddin' me!"

Gunner and Bill looked at each other with a big smile. Then Gunner reaching into his shirt pocket said, "Guys here is a card with my name and phone number for each of you. If you ever need anything or just to talk...day or night, call me. If I'm not there, tell my wife, Marge, who you are, and she will get me the message. Anything you need, and I mean anything, call me. I may be going in a different direction, but you two are still my friends."

Gunner and Bill made their so-longs and walked out the door leaving Buck and Stitch gawking at them.

After recovery, Buck remarked, "Ain't he the difference between day and night. I never in all my days saw him fallin' for that hocus-pocus crap."

"Yeah, same here. I can't believe he came over to us and introduced us as his friends to that cop with him. I thought he would fly out of here when he saw us. Maybe he really has changed."

Having put the money on the table for the bill, Buck reached down and surreptitiously grabbed Gunner's card stuffing it into his shirt pocket. Stitch caught this act and gave a suspicious glare.

Catching the glare, Buck stuttered, "Just thought...I...uh...would keep it for a souvenir...an old friend.

Stitch's face lightened up at that remark saying, "Sure...an old friend...might want to keep in touch. Not that we're ever gonna call him...the two-faced God man." He picked up his card.

"Stitch, do you believe in that religious stuff? Old Gunner sure has changed. He looked really good and happy. About the two-faced stuff, he did come over and introduce us to the cop as his good friends."

As they walked out into the parking lot, the two were in deep thought with toothpicks hanging from their mouths.

"Ya know, Buck, it makes you wonder. If a guy as bad and mean as old Gunner can become religious, maybe there's somethin' to this Jesus, guy."
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This article has been read 756 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Lollie Hofer 
07/18/14
Enjoyed the characters and their reaction to their saved friend.
Gregory Kane
07/18/14
I enjoyed the sudden change in pace and tone when Gunner walked over to the table.
Virgil Youngblood 
07/18/14
The story fits the challenge theme and the characters give a distinctive flavor. Some punctuation work would improve readability;that help can be found in the forums.Overall, well done.
Brenda Rice
07/20/14
Good descriptions of the men.
Interesting dialog.
Nice use of the topic.

I like it. Thanks for sharing.
C D Swanson 
07/22/14
Powerful and intensely realistic story theme. Well written and told. Nicely done!

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/24/14
I enjoyed your rough and tumble characters. My favorite part was the dialog. It felt real and I could almost hear the twang in their voices.

The beginning started a bit slow. For me personally, I think the dialog gave me more insight into their personalities than the descriptions of tattoos and hair color.

I liked the ending a lot. You gave a sense of hope, but didn't Tie it up into a neat little bow. You did a fine job.