Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Barbeque/Cookout (09/06/12)
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TITLE: Something's Cooking | Previous Challenge Entry
By C D Swanson
09/12/12 -
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My shopping cart had crashed into the man's cart ahead of me in the
checkout line. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I guess I was in another world."
"Well, fly back down to earth. You almost ran over my foot."
"I said I was sorry."
He mumbled something nasty under his breath and put his purchases
on the conveyor belt. Idly, I noted charcoal briquettes, steak, peppers,
onions, tomatoes. Back in the parking lot, I dumped my paper bags on the
back seat, opened the driver's side door and, deep in thought, smacked
it into the passenger side door of the car next to mine. The driver
looked across at me, his eyes afire. Whoops. Mr. Cookout Man again. "Oh,
no," he yelled. "My brand new car!"
As he jumped out to assess the damage, I looked at his door. I had
indeed made a dent. A deep one. "Darn it, lady, look what you did! What
is it with you? Why are you haunting me today?"
"I'm sorry. So so sorry. Please, let me pay for the damage." And
just like that, I started to cry. Loudly and wetly.
"Hey, don't cry. Please, stop. I didn't mean to yell. Please."
Stupidly, I couldn't stop crying. For the past month it had been
building up. Day by day, misery by misery. "I can't take any more," I
wailed. "My boyfriend left me. For my best friend. Yesterday I almost lost my job. And now, now this."
"Hey, forget about paying me. It's only a car, after all. Look, I was just about to go home and cook up a steak kebob on the barbecue. Why
don't you follow me in your car and join me for dinner. Okay? Just stop
crying."
And just like that, I nodded yes, followed him to his house, ate
his food, and got to know the sweetest, dearest man I had ever met. When we had finished eating, I mustered up all the courage I had and asked him, "Tell me, do you believe in God?"
"Absolutely," he said. "And I believe He looked down at us today in
that supermarket and saw me in my foul mood and you in your sad thoughts and said, 'I think those two should meet.' And here we are."
"Yes," I said, laughing for the first time in ages. "Yes, here we are!"
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God Bless, Lynn
God Bless, Lynn
So much understated strength in your descriptions that bring it all to life, so a big "Well done" on your HC.
It is my aunt's story, and I thought it was so good I used it for my story/entry for the week.
So thanks. Oh, and by the way I met my hubby when I was a teenager. So, that I will save for another time!
God bless you all~
The only red ink I might suggest would be to instead of using taglines like he said, use that spot to show the reader the emotional state of the character. For example something like this "I'm sorry." The tears welled up in my eyes as I attempted to choke back the sobs. Hopefully, not only does it show who is speaking but gives a visual picture for the reader.
I really enjoyed your message and so know that God does exactly things like your story. It makes me wonder how many opportunities we have missed because our anger or embarrassment stopped us from following God's gentle nudge. This is an interesting story. You covered the topic in a fresh way and really showed how much God loves us and is watching over us. Congratulations on your HC and for placing 14 overall! Happy Dance!!