The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You did a brilliant job with this story. I immediately sensed the conflict and could feel my heart starting to thump in empathy. You did a great job of transitioning through the story. It connected nicely and made me want to keep reading.

The only bit of red ink I have is this sentence is a tad awkward-- but they could not longer afford to wait. Maybe they couldn't afford to wait any longer would have been smoother. Or something like this would show the reader. Their refrigerator looked quite bare with only a carton of baking soda and some old lemon juice graced its shelves.
Also ASAP should be in caps.

Those tiny things aside, I think this story is a winner. Someone would have to have a heart of stone to not be touched by this well-written piece. The saddest part is this story is true for way too many families. The ending is perfect. There is such a fine line between giving out of love and being sanctimonious. Your pastor handled it perfectly. A great example for everyone.
Liked the humor of the quick save with the email...I wondered about the whole VIP program. Thought it was great that they were willing to bring the groceries to the car. You did a good job showing how difficult it is for people to ask for help. I liked the Pastor for being sensitive to that, but hope that 'Mary' has some helpers. :-)
Prolific message you presented within this well written entry. Also, a loving tribute to all those who serve in our military.

Nicely done. Thank you.

God bless~
Great dialogue and an uplifting story. Good writing here.
Congratulations for ranking 7 th in your level and 18 overall!