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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Taste (07/15/10)
The sand gritted its way into the slight spaces between my teeth. Swollen tongue pasted to the roof of my mouth, I plunged to the floor of the swirling desert.

The sound of a voice wafted through the air. No, it could not be. I had run too far; surely I must be long beyond the reach of any voice. My lolling tongue tasted the dust as laughter forced its way through. Beyond reach is where I had wanted to be. I should congratulate myself.

The screech of a buzzard brought me to my feet as I looked to the circle gathering above me.

“You can’t!” I screamed, “You can’t! I wasn’t promised death. I was promised-”

My tongue stuck to flesh again, absorbing the raw sensation of blood seeping from my lip. I plodded on, eyes darting to the horrific creatures again and again.

I was sure I heard the voice call out. He still followed me.

As I crested the top of a sand dune, my eyes captured the valley below. Lush greenery adorned the entrance of a lovely garden, its centerpiece a diamond covered lake.

Overwhelmed with thirst, I tumbled from the dune and through the rose covered arbor, landing within inches of my passion. Scooping my hand in the chillingly clear water, I lifted it to my lips. The voice called again, causing the liquid to spill from my vibrating palm.

“Leave me alone!” I tried to sound authoritative and in control, but I knew the weak tremor of tone was pathetic. He would still follow.

I had to drink...now. But as I reached for the crystal loveliness, my eyes caught something they were blind to at the first. Thousands upon thousands of moaning humans were scattered among heaps of skulls and bones lining the shore around the lake.

My eyes traveled the full circle of the incredible sight, finally resting on an agonized face I recognized, a friend. One who had encouraged me to take this journey. Why was he here?

“Drink it,” his voice was a whisper as he spoke around the bulk in his mouth. “Drink it. It’s good and it’ll make you happy.”

I hesitated as my eyes moved past his prone position to the corpses around him. He grabbed my throat and hissed, “Drink it!” His mouth opened wider, I saw the gravel that filled it as his body convulsed. His grip loosened as his last breath evaporated.

Looking back for the lushness surrounding the lake, I saw nothing but wide boards propped up by scrap wood. Fake. All fake with the exception of the poisoned water that had captured these lives.

Fear overcoming thirst I crashed through the cardboard arbor, desperately trying to flee death. But the bitter taste filling my mouth became a constant reminder of my doom. There was no escape.

Knees buckling, I fell on my face as images flashed through my mind. A variety of sensations saturated my tongue. The crude oil taste of lust. The acidic taste of forgiveness denied. The chalky taste of hatred. The rusty taste of selfishness.

The sensations overwhelmed me until I longed to cut my tongue out and be free from the satiety of flavors I had sought so vehemently in this desert. To what end? The buzzards waited in their patient circle.

The voice called again. He was near enough I heard the words. Or rather the one word, repeated.

My name.

No. He shouldn’t see me. He had nothing to offer that I could accept. Please don’t find me.

“Child.”

The voice was so close I knew I had only to lift my head and behold His face. But I couldn’t.

A splash of water bathed my face. My tongue screamed for it, anything to wash the bile away.

The gentle coolness of the cup neared my lips. I dared to meet His eyes.

“I can’t. I don’t want it. I-I don’t deserve it.”

The cup moved closer, touching my lips. He spoke. “You will die without it.”

They were simple words, pure. True. I nodded.

He cradled my head as life from His cup poured onto the bitter sand that filled my mouth. The water gushed over thousands of taste buds at once. The sand did not wash out. It was destroyed as the source of my deliverance rushed through my entire being.

The water was alive. So was I.


***



NKJV Scripture References:
Proverbs 20:17
John 7:38
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This article has been read 1287 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Edy T Johnson
07/22/10
Oh! I do like this analogy-story illustrating the utter foolishness of thinking we are in control of our life and can go our own way. Marvelous descriptions really bring this to life. Good job!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/25/10
Wow my heart was pounding throughout this entire rerad. you did such an excellent job of making the terror so real. I found myself wanting to hush the background noises because I was so into your story. The ending is one I hope we all can find and discover for ourselves. Excellent writing.
AnneRene' Capp
07/26/10
I was hooked from the beginning and absolutely enticed to rush through reading this (but I didn't) :)...to see what happened next. Great imagery, Great, Great message!
Lollie Hofer 
07/26/10
Well done! I could visually see all that you were describing. This was emotionally gut-wrenching but the ending was filled with life and hope.
Margaret Kearley
07/26/10
I am lost for words! This is absolutely wonderful. Parable-truth with a soul piercing message. Just love the end.
Christina Banks
07/26/10
Wonderful writing! I love the lesson that was presented here. Well done!
Terry Lee
07/26/10
Very well done. I loved the symbolism, and the story was captivating.
Amanda Brogan
07/27/10
Wow! Amazing writing! It drew me in like a mirage -- wondering what was real and what wasn't.

I love your description of the taste of various sins. I never would have thought of that! Rusty selfishness, chalky hatred ... what creative and insightful wording!

And then the living water. Perfect ending! This piece vividly portrays the deathly desert that people suffer through when they choose to run from God. And yet He still pursues them gently and offers them life.

Thumbs up!
Gerald Shuler
07/27/10
This is, in my opinion, the BEST I have read of your entries. The entire layout preaches the truth. I trust this will do very well with the judges.
stanley Bednarz
07/28/10
Wow!! What a story, and what a lesson.
Shirley McClay
07/28/10
Powerful and full of truth. Love that the sand was not washed out but dissolved. Great touch.
Beth LaBuff 
07/28/10
You have wonderful imagery. (You put this reader in the desert.) I was longing to get water for your MC. Your ending is beautiful!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/28/10
After reading your plea to be honest, I came back and read it again. I still think it's wonderful. The message is loud and clear. The only comment I could even think of is in the mid to end you used the word taste over a few times, but I think that was to pound home your point, and you changed the adjective before it so that kept it fresh. I still think it's about as close to perfect as one can get. I love the message and the way you delivered it.
Kate Oliver Webb
07/28/10
Absolutely wonderful writing! The phrase which gripped me early on was "I was't promised death! I was promised--". It speaks eloquently of what pleasures sin promises, and never mentions the "end" which is death. You nailed this one. The ending was perfect; the imagery of the overwhelming love of God bringing the water of life--just awesome.
Edmond Ng
07/29/10
Excellent writing and intense in every respect. I like the way you contrast between the poisonous water and the living water. A compelling message put across very well.