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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)
Darkened by the surrounding night, I crept along the brick wall. No stars shone in the sky. No lanterns were lit. I could not see what was in front of me, only feel. The cold, piercing night air whipped around my shoulders, shriving through my whole body.

I pulled my woolen shawl tightly against my chest and continued on my quest. I had heard the rumors circulating at the town well. I, at twelve was curious. I had to see for myself!

Was the so-called Messiah really in the cave? Was He really dead?
I could fell the dirt and gravel give beneath my bare feet. I must be getting closer to the cave. What would I find?

I inched closer and closer into the pitch-black darkness. My heart beat faster in my chest. I reached the cave without incident. I praised my God, nobody had seen me.

I would be severely punished if caught. The Roman guards would molest me or even worse. My father would disown me. I stumbled and fell. I landed on a rock. It was the cave! The burial cave of Jesus.

I wanted to go inside, but that was impossible. I couldn't move the huge stone that protected the entrance.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I awoke as the sun was coming up in the Eastern sky. The stone was no longer protecting the cave. No guards in sight, so I entered the cave.

A strange feeling entranced me. I felt peace. I don't know if the Messiah had really been in the cave
or the story was only a village rumor, but I went away no longer in the dark.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
10/26/09
Good job with this resurrection story.

Since you had words left over, I would have liked to know more about your narrator. Who is he? What is is relationship to Jesus? What happened next?

Really good application of the topic word.
Allen Stark
10/26/09
More, more, more! You ended too abruptly. I felt the narrator was a she, not a he, because of the woolen shawl. I kind of feel as though I was left in the dark.
Rachel Phelps
10/27/09
I love the concept, but I agree with the previous posts that extra information would have helped.

This is a personal preference, but I also felt this might have benefitted from a present-tense telling. It had an in-the-moment feel, which I found very appealing.