Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Kingdom of God (03/12/09)
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TITLE: Hello | Previous Challenge Entry
By dub W
03/18/09 -
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“Uh, like I think I misdialed.”
“Oh, no silly, we hear that every day, you just got through the right way this time.”
“Got through?”
“Well, technically, you miss dialed or what we say around here is miss prayed.”
“Uh, like, what?”
“You see, all of those Sunday mornings spent at the Church of the Trout, were just dialing the wrong number. The ‘oh, God, I got a big one,' is not a prayer.” There was a pause. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Oh, good. I just found a note here about your worship at the cathedral of dimpled ball.” There was a fumbling sound. “I am afraid I don’t know how to direct your call for that one, but I think the ‘dear Lord a birdie,’ doesn’t count either.”
“Uh, I really need to talk to God.”
“Yes, you certainly do. He has missed you. Yessiree, He has waited years for you to call.”
“Okay, I know. But, I’m really in some need here.”
“Hmm, I don’t doubt that.”
“Well, what do I have to do to earn a chance?”
“Nothing.”
“Say again.”
“I said, there isn’t anything you can do to earn the Kingdom of God.”
“Well, I at least want him to know the problems I have caused, and that I am begging for forgiveness.”
“He knows.”
“I have dishonored my baptism.”
“He knows.”
“I want to turn away from my life of sin, and be a part of the Kingdom.”
“He knows.”
“Okay, you say he knows, but what do I have to do?”
“Nothing. Grace is free. You can’t earn it.”
“Really.”
“Yeah, really. Say, what about all your friends at the church of the wide mouthed bass?”
“Uh, I guess I should give up fishing.”
“Nope, didn’t say that. Be a fisher of men. Let others know of God’s Grace.”
“Okay.”
“Fish in the stream of God’s love. “
“I think I am beginning to understand.”
“Great, God is very happy to hear it.”
“Does that mean I get to talk to him?”
“Oh, you are talking to him in everything you say and do. Let others know his love in the way you live and work. The Kingdom of God is right there for you. Your repentance lets God know that you are knowledgeable of His Grace.”
“Wow, cool.”
“Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Yeah. Thanks for filling me in.”
“I’m glad you called. But, now I want to ask you more about the cathedral of the dimpled ball…”
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All-dialogue pieces are sometimes improved by occasional breaks in the talking for a bit of action or description.
I love the creativty you showed here.
I would usually agree with Jan's comment about breaking up dialogue, but I think what you did worked. The "feel" of the piece was a very quick back-and-forth conversation, and I think words other than the dialogue would have broken that pace.
Very creative. Excellent job with the topic.