The Official Writing Challenge
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Wonderful entry.This was so well written! It's the kind of story that makes us realize that we often don't know the ones love as well as we think. Also reminded me of how God rescues u when we really don't think we want Him to.
Yeah, this is one of the good ones. Well done, and thank you. A real thought provoker.
Well told and nice ending, but I'm confused as too why the mom didn't like the friend.
After reading the first time, there were a couple things that didn't make sense to me. I also didn't understand what mom didn't like about Jimmy. Then, after reading a second time, I understood it was Jesus in him that made her uncomfortable, and then the whole story came alive to me. The only thing I would change is to make it clearer that it's Jimmy who is speaking at the beginning - he wasn't clearly introduced into the story at that time. But this was a great piece with a wonderful message.
Blessings, Lynda
Scratch that thing about Jimmy not being introduced. My brain must not be functioning yet this morning. Went back and re-read a third time and caught the introduction of him dragging the stick through the sand. Sorry! (blush)
Wow. Well done! Yes, I had to go back and re-read it but that was because of the surprise factor - went back and realized what had really happened. Well done!
I think this story has stacks of potential and with some reworking could make a really provoking piece. Like the nuance references to salt. I am confused, though. Are we to assume Tod attempted suicide at some time and yet his Mom seems unconcerned and sees him as a fun loving, sensible boy. For me the lines between the characters are also too blurred.
This is a great story. Wonderful. The first sentence just grabbed me, because it was something a young teen would say. I think you caught the essence of many young people today. I was glad that you had a "Jimmy" in / to the article. Very nicely written. God bless ya, littlelight
This rocking, rolling description was great:
“Yes” whoosh
“Nobody cares” whoosh, whoosh
“Stay under the next wave” crash, whoosh
“Stay … under”
This is such a good story...probably top 8... so good that I'm going to nit-pick. I think the mom shouldn't be in the story at all. Her role is unimportant and she confuses the issues. Then the story could be told without the flash back. Make it real time and the story grows in power and reality. But, it is already great. We'll see just how great on Monday.
Madonna, I've not been able to stop by and congratulate you on your excellent wins lately (you did EXCEPTIONALLY well in the Best of the Best ratings - be encouraged!) but definitely wanted to pop back in today and let you know that Salty Friends made it into the semi-finals for the "beach" challenge. So well done again. Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)