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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Mother (as in maternal parent) (04/24/08)
“Oh Mom, it hurts so bad!” Mallory was lying on her bed, crying into her pillow. At eighteen, her first broken heart was a very big deal. Her mother, Valerie, was sitting beside her, rubbing her back.

“I know it does, Sweetheart. Can you tell me what happened?” Valerie responded to her daughter with a tenderness that indicated she really did understand. She and Scott had been hearing things and thought this time might be coming.

“Blake broke up with me because I wouldn’t go down to the river bottom with him,” Mallory answered her as she turned to face her mom. “I told him I knew what went on down there and didn’t even want to be around it, much less a part of it. He said he didn’t want to be with me anymore because I’m not fun like the other girls at school. I don’t know what’s happened to him – he’s changed so much!”

“People change, Honey. Sometimes that change is for the better, and sometimes it’s for the worse. Your heart is breaking right now and I wish I could take that pain away, but I can’t. I want you to know though, how proud your dad and I are, that you know who you are and stand firm on your beliefs.” Lord, give me the words to comfort her, Valerie prayed silently.

“Mom, I know people change, but I didn’t think Blake would. I mean he’s Pastor Morgan’s son. He was going to be a pastor too! We were going to go to college, get married and have a church of our own. Now it’s all ruined and my life is over!!!” Mallory’s crying intensified as she thought of the shattered dreams.

“Mallory, I know it seems like your life is over, but it’s not. And pastor’s kids go through tough times too, just like others. Blake may turn around quickly or it may take a long time. All you can do is pray for him, and for his family. You know they're having a hard time with the changes in Blake too.”

Mallory looked at her mom with tears streaming down her face. “Yeah, I guess,” she said. “But what am I going to do now? All my plans included Blake. And this just hurts so bad!”

“Mal, this pain you’re in is very real and very deep, but it will get better. I want to tell you something. Your dad wasn’t the first boy I fell for. I had a boyfriend in high school too, that I was over the moon for. We broke up when I caught him kissing my best friend. I was mad and confused and hurting more than I ever imagined, all at once. It took a long time, but I got over it.”

“See, I had my plans, but God had his. Two years after this other boy, I met your dad and I knew, really knew that he was the one for me. Two years after that, we got married. Two years after that, you were born. If I hadn’t met your dad, I wouldn’t have you.” Valerie pulled her daughter up so they were sitting face to face. “You will get through this, I promise,” said Valerie as she hugged Mallory.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Mallory sniffled as she hugged her mom back.

“I know, but you have to trust me on this. You had your plans, but God has plans for you too, and His are always the best. He has your future in His hands and that includes the husband and children He’s picked for you.” Valerie smiled then, and pushed the bangs out of Mallory’s eyes.

“So what am I supposed to do now?” Mallory asked as she took a deep breath.

Valerie stood and held her hand out. “In a little while, you will stand strong and walk into the life that God has planned for you. For now though, you’ll just wipe the tears off that beautiful face of yours and join me for an extra large hot fudge sundae. How’s that sound?”

Mallory looked up at her mom, with a tiny smile beginning to form. She took the hand that was outstretched for her and allowed herself to be pulled up. “I guess I could do that if I can have extra hot fudge,” she said as she wiped her face. “Mom thanks, I love you. You’re the best mom ever!”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Beth LaBuff 
05/02/08
I'm thinking "good for Mallory" as I'm reading your first few paragraphs. Your lesson is excellent in this. I like the back and forth dialog between Mom and daughter. Your ending is heart-warming (especially with the chocolate :) ) !
c clemons
05/04/08
You went from 3rd person telling to 1st person telling. That was a bit confusing. Also the extra exclamation points are not necessary (at least I've been told) to get your point across. This mother/daughter scenario has been played out a thousand times. Would have been interesting to see a twist. Good overall job.
Judy Bowers
05/05/08
What a wonderful Mom! Thanks for sharing this story of a listening and supportive Mother. You kept me reading right to the end! :)
Phyllis Inniss 
05/06/08
With such a supportive mom, Mallory will get over her hurt and see that her life is just beginning and a long way from being over. Thanks for a real mother to daughter talk.
Debbie Wistrom
05/07/08
Better she learn this lesson now than later. This read as real to me.
Holly Westefeld
05/07/08
There are no tense problems in this story, as far as I can tell. All of your narrative is in past tense, and the dialogue flows naturally to include past, present, and future, as all conversation does.
I loved the ending!
Chely Roach
05/07/08
Beautiful story...loved the dialogue. It makes me ache to have such memories. Well done! Go make yourself a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge!!!!
Sara Harricharan
05/07/08
A change of plans for the better, right? I liked how the mom was there for her and how she shared her own experience, of course, and ending with chocolate is even better! I loved it! ^_^
Joanne Sher 
05/07/08
A very real story, with good reflection for all of us. You showed the mother-daughter relationship very well. Enjoyed this!
LauraLee Shaw
05/07/08
I hope and pray my daughters and I will be close enough to have this kind of conversation. Precious!
Joy Faire Stewart
05/07/08
You have shown a great relationship between mother and daughter. The dialogue is very realistic. And I like the last paragraph too.
Nana Bunch
05/08/08
I liked this in spite of the common subject. I think you did a good job of projecting the emotions of the daughter and the mom. The emphasis on God's will and plan is critical for young adults to understand. I am so glad this was the central theme. Nice job. Excellent writing.
Joshua Janoski
05/08/08
I went through a similar situation with a girl. I thought she was the perfect one for me, and then everything fell apart. My mother comforted me similar to how Valerie comforted Mallory. I could really relate to this story, and I think you did a fine job writing it. Thank you for sharing it. :)