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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)
A police car arrived just as a dining room chair broke through the window. Neighbors stood on the opposite side of the street watching. The weekly tirade had become part of the neighborhood ritual and the audience seemed to be growing.

“Bet they cuff one of them this time,” said one of the bystanders.

Another viewer pointed across the street. “Lookee, she opened the door for the cop.”

A few more shouts were heard coming through the broken window then all went silent. Finally, the officer and a young man left the small frame house, and all appeared to be quiet. Just as the crowd disbursed a blue sedan pulled up and a well-dressed woman got out and entered the house.

Minutes later Jackie Ellers and her two children came out and got into the backseat of the car. The second woman carried suitcases. Somewhere in the city Jackie and the kids would find temporary lodging in the women’s shelter.

Attorney Tyra Soren got a call the next morning. “Tyra, this is Leslie Collins, at the shelter. We admitted Jackie Ellers again last night. She says she wants to talk to you.”

Tyra looked at the stack of paperwork on her desk. “Pro bono, or is the agency putting up a fee?”

“Tyra, she really just needs to chat right now, I’ll work on the agency; but, my guess is if this goes forward it will fall under the normal fee structure.”

Tyra grinned. “Gee thanks.” The legal services agency which helped domestic violence cases had a standard fee schedule, which was a hundredth of the normal legal fee for divorce work. “Did he hit her; or the kids, this time?”

Leslie paused for a second, “I didn’t see any wounds, but emotional scars are hard to see.”

“Unfortunately, blood makes the case easier. But, it’s just a matter of time before he starts swinging again.” Tyra jotted notes on a pad and glanced at her day timer. “I’ll run down there at noon. No court today, so I’m just trying to catch up.”

“Good, I’ll tell her. We’ll expect you.”

Tyra hung up the phone and walked to her reception area. “Amy, pull the Ellers file, we started it, I believe, in July, 2001. The last time I added to it was this May.”

As the clock neared noon, Tyra grabbed her briefcase and drove to the community Women’s shelter.

Leslie greeted her. “Glad you got here, Tyra. She’s in the drawing room.”

Jackie didn’t look up when Tyra entered. “Hey, Jackie. Where’re the kids?”

Jackie turned her head. “In the playroom.”

“Okay, Jackie.” Tyra sat in a side chair. “Talk to me.”

“I bought some tennis shoes. If I hadn’t told him it’d be okay. I used the money mama sent me.”

“No, it’s not okay for him to treat you like this – the money has no part in the discussion.” Tyra leaned forward and touched the edge of the couch. “Did he ever go to the anger management classes that the judge ordered?”

Jackie shook her head.

“Well, he’s in contempt, but we have a larger issue. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you still love him enough to be continually treated this way? Aren't you ready to stop all this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have you talked to the folks from your church, like you told me this spring?”

Again, Jackie shook her head.

Tyra felt the frustration crawling up her neck. “Jackie, you have to tell me what you want me to do.” She took a deep breath. “I’m gonna go ahead and file the separation papers this afternoon, just sign and that part is done.” Tyra pulled the papers from her briefcase and made a light X where Jackie was to sign.

Leslie appeared in the doorway. “Tyra, you need to see this.”

“Sign this Jackie. I’ll be right back.” She stood and followed Leslie to where Billy Ellers was leaning against a wall.

Leslie lifted his shirt. The imprint of a belt or leather strap was visible above his waist line.

“I’ll get my camera,” said Tyra. She hurried out the door. When she returned Jackie was standing with her son. “No, we’re going back home.” She handed Tyra the papers.

Tyra shook her head. “Jackie, listen to me,” she urged, but her client walked away.

The next morning Tyra dropped her cup of coffee on the morning paper, the headline jumped off the page: “Murder/Suicide: Four Dead.”
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This article has been read 1535 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Christine Dunn
08/09/07
I wasn't expecting such an ending, even after reading the title! The dialogue was very good.
Joy Faire Stewart
08/09/07
Your dialogue is excellent. I wasn't expecting the ending. Well told story.
Marilyn Schnepp 
08/09/07
Wow! But come to think of it...this isn't unbelievable in our world of today. Sad, very sad; but where is the anger?
Verna Cole Mitchell 
08/10/07
This is such a sad story showing the devestation of a family from anger. Though the ending isn't happy, it's realistic.
Lynda Schultz 
08/10/07
Though anger isn't obvious in the story, I'M ANGRY. This kind of situation is all too common. You know, as I was reading, my head was saying "book, book, book." I think you've got a great basis for that here. Great dialogue and characters.
Bonnie Way
08/10/07
Well-done portrayal of an all-too-common situation... definately more material here that could be used to reach out to hurting women dealing with angry, abusive men.
Michelle Burkhardt
08/11/07
So much pain. I wanted to cry. You pulled me in with a believable dialogue and kept my attention through the very sad ending.
Kristen Hester
08/13/07
This is well written and very sad. You did a good job showing what happens when anger is out of control.
Mariane Holbrook
08/13/07
The anger was felt in Tyra. You could almost feel her anger, her frustration, wanting to beat her head against the wall. She was angry at the victims, the husband, the system, even herself, and now it was too late. You have to wonder how many times this scene is replayed all over America. The dialog in this piece is exceptional!
Jan Ackerson
08/14/07
Wow, what a kicker!

I just love your ability to create believable characters that we care for, mostly through masterful dialogue.
Sharlyn Guthrie
08/14/07
Okay, now I'm angry! I wish it hadn't ended that way, but many times it does, of course. Great detail and character development.
Joanne Sher 
08/14/07
The details and dialog made this feel so real. This was heartbreaking.
Catrina Bradley
08/15/07
Oh, my! I was hoping she'd sign, tho I didn't expect it, but the ending was like a punch in the gut. Good job.
Rita Garcia
08/15/07
Your mastery for weaving a story shines through this heartwrenching story. The ending was not a surprise ... just all too often reality in these situations.
Betty Castleberry
08/15/07
This is sad, sad and true. You've touched on something that needs to be told and retold. People need to get angry about these situations.
Your characters are believable. Well done.
Leigh MacKelvey
08/15/07
This was full of anger! Subtle anger from the son standing against a wall,vivid anger from Tyra, anger from the shelter lady and massive anger from the husband even though he didn't enter the dialogue. The ending was real. Over all, a great job!
LaNaye Perkins
08/15/07
Wow, this was awesome from the first sentence to the tramatic conclusion. Bravo!
Pam Carlson-Hetland
08/15/07
A great story not talking about anger, but showing it and the results of it. Sad story, realistic, and much more common than most of us know. Excellent writing.
Loren T. Lowery
08/15/07
This story jumps from the daily headlines. And, always, in retrospect, people will admit that saw it coming, but didn't know what to do...or no one seemed to care. Still, so much needs to done in this arena. Great story and its telling as well.
Dee Yoder
08/15/07
Your entry has the edge of reality to it. It's a gripping story about the lousy way Satan just keeps whacking away, using human hands, at the family in America. I bet the lawyers and the system are filled with anger, everyday, at the futile attempts society makes to stop this.
Jacquelyn Horne
08/15/07
Oh My! What a sad ending! All too true I'm afraid. This is well written.
Patty Wysong
08/15/07
I felt that ending coming and I was soooo frustrated with the inability to do anything. I love your writing, Dub, and I learn alot from just reading it. Thanks!! I could feel the attorney's frustration and anger--good job. :-) Hugs!!
Virginia Gorg
08/15/07
Way too true to life, sadly. Excellent dialogue, well done, with a tragic ending. I felt the words you wrote.
Julie Moore
08/16/07
The entire article was so real. All the characters were portrayed correctly. Such a sad, but to often, true story. Great writing Dub.
Julie Arduini
08/16/07
Great presentation of anger and certainly frustration that our system is tied in as many ways as it is to prevent things like this. Excellent work, as always.
c clemons
08/20/07
A very revelant story but am I the only one who didn't get Leslie pulling up Billy Eller's shirt and showing the outline of a belt buckle or belt, what was that about? Also, the word "disbursed" I think you meant dispersed. Just a thought.